Wednesday, April 15, 2009

A Jackass Goes Home

So, no surprises here, Steve-O was sent packin' on DWTS. The guest performance was by Rascal Flatts.  Wow, that lead singer eats a lot of country fried chicken and grits or something. I didn't know country singers were allowed to be chubby.  Doesn't the music label put them on a mandatory South Beach Diet or similar?  There was also a performance by the new Broadway version of West Side Story. It made me realize I'd rather drink a bottle of vodka, regurgitate it and then drink it again than go see this play. So that was helpful.  Other observations:
  • I'm developing strong feelings for Lawrence Taylor.  Plus maybe he'd let me borrow that big-ass diamond if we were sleeping together.
  • Chuck and Julianne almost had sex on the dance floor. "I'm really turned on right now," Chuck said after their dance. Well, join the crowd, Chuck!  It was  like a porn movie if people in porns were actually good looking.
  • Shawn Johnson bores me senseless. Nice girl. Good dancer. But zzzzzzz. Go do some blackflips and leave us all alone.
  • Lil Kim, Gilles and Melissa will be around til the end.  Ty and his teeth are so nice! I feel bad but he'll probably go home soon. Unless there is a huge voting contingent of cowboys riding around the Wild West with cell phones in his corner.
  • That Samantha host chick is really starting to grate on me.  Does she have a pulse or is she just a blow-up doll ABC uses to save money on host fees?  
  • Carrie Ann got up and did some (not very attractive) jig while Bahahahahahahahahaaaa-ing herself silly.  Someone shoot her. Not to kill, mind you. Just maim with a short hospital stay.
In other reality tv news, our former governor who is indicted on corruption charges for trying to sell Obama's vacant Illinois Senate seat is seeking permission to fly to Costa Rica to tape "I'm a Celebrity -- Get Me Outta Here."  This just inspires so many questions. Does it behoove a former lawmaker facing a felony conviction to do such a thing? Does this man have lawyers advising him? Has NBC looked up the definition of celebrity?  A former harsh critic of the governor, I may now become his biggest fan...

Opes' show today was about sexual predators on the web.  Very scary and depressing. I will rid my home of computers before the girls turn 5.  Her hair looked insane. Sort of curly but pulled back in an unflattering manner. I think she's purposely trying to taunt me.


  1. On the former governor topic, I bet a ton of people would watch that show. All of the people who don't watch the Octo-Mom show will need something to talk about.

  2. Wow, you make me want to watch DWTS! Though I'm sure it's not nearly as entertaining as your recaps.

    I don't know what to think of the governor's new reality TV career. I just can't get over the fact that he's seeking permission to go someplace just to tape a show whose premise is that he's trying to leave. I realize I'm not a TV exec, but couldn't he save himself a lot of trouble by not going?

    And I think Oprah is just trying to taunt you. Maybe suggest that she shave her head, just to see what she does.