Thursday, April 2, 2009

Suze Orman is Scary

I think I'd rather be flung into shark-infested waters with chum tied to my ass than come face to face with Suze Orman. Opes had her on today to discuss the financial meltdown.  I left the show being more afraid of Suze than of losing my entire net worth.  

My favorite moment was when a guy and his wife were Skyped in and wondering whether they should just walk away from their home and mortgage.  Suze told the guy, "You're cute, boyfriend."  Umm, Suze? I'm not entirely sure a man about to lose his home is comforted by a lesbian telling him he's cute.  Or maybe that's just me...

And why are her teeth a white color not found in nature?  Her chompers might be sending light beams into space announcing an intergalactic war of some kind.  She either has an overly zealous cosmetic dentist or she's addicted to Crest Whitening Strips. I'm all for white teeth but blinding unsuspecting people seeking financial advice seems sinister.  My girls were strangely intrigued by Suze, gaping at the tv screen as if she was a giant Disney character gone awry. They are napping right now and probably having nightmares of being eaten by a big blonde witch with gigantic white teeth.

As for Oprah today, she had on a bejeweled black number that was rather flattering.  Her hair was straight. Don't get me started.  I looked at what will be on the show tomorrow, AND THERE IS NO FRIDAYS LIVE TOMORROW. For all my bitching, you'd think this would be welcome news. I'm oddly disappointed. Do I secretly love Ali Wentworth and Mark Consuelos?I think this is what Oprah calls an a-ha moment. 


  1. Wait, Suze Orman is gay? The foundations of my entire belief system have been rocked.

  2. Cannot even see Suze Orman without mentally segue-ing into Kristin Wiig's spot-on impression. (Never a fan of jackets, and wondering if that's indicative of my hetero-twin spawning tendencies...)

  3. What does telling him that he is cute have to do with his house? I don't get it..