Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I Think My Husband Wants a Divorce



What else can explain this statement:  "Doesn't Chuck Wicks kind of look like Bob Guiney?" WWWHHHHHAATTTTTT???? Good thing we have TIVO and could hit pause during Dancing With the Stars last night because this conversation couldn't wait until commercial break.  So, now, whenever I fantasize about Chuck Wicks, Bob Guiney's big fat head is going to pop into my brain. Maybe my husband is smarter than I give him credit for... The other possible explanations for this statement:
  • He's suffering early dementia
  • He's going prematurely blind
  • He simply has bad taste
He married me so let's rule out the third option, shall we?  I guess of the remaining two, I'd prefer he be going blind.  That way he won't see all the clothes I will buy when he reaches full blind status and he won't know our home has been foreclosed and that we've moved in with my parents.  (I will tell him he's hearing things when my parents are squawking and hopefully he won't be one of those ambitious blind people who memorize how many steps it is to the bathroom and such.)

Of course, this may be the first step in his forcing me to divorce him.  If tonight he says something equally ridiculous like Daniel Craig looks like Steve Wozniak I'll know for sure. You know how when you're dating and a guy wants to break up with you but doesn't have the balls so he forces you to do it by treating you like crap?  Maybe that's what he's up to.  He's playing with the master, however, so I hope he knows what he's getting into.

Anyway, so after I pulled up about 200 pictures of Chuck Wicks and Bob Guiney and forced him to admit they weren't even the same species let alone look similar, we decided we had to vote for Ty Murray last night because he's so nice and I agreed only because I figured Chuck was safe.  But then I logged onto abc.com and voted for Chuck instead.  Honesty in marriage is over-rated.  So I'm banking on the Professional Rodeo Cowboy Association coming in strong for Ty. Yes, there is such a thing.

Melissa was injured last night so she didn't perform. I was slightly disappointed when I found out it was a bruised rib caused during practice and Molly didn't drive 800 miles wearing a diaper armed with rope and duct tape like that astronaut lady.  Oh well. So the results are tonight. I hope Ty doesn't get the boot (Get it? Baahahahahahahahaha!) but sadly he might.  

I wish in the most shocking rose ceremony ever (I realize I'm getting my reality shows confused) they banish that Samantha host instead of one of the dancers.  Good tv, people. That's what I'm talkin' about.

10 comments:

  1. Your husband is seriously out of his mind! Our darling love-bug Chuck Wicks looks NOTHING like Bob Guiney! How dare he! Actually, I think you may have met your match because he is clearly screwing with your head. Let's plot our revenge.

    In other reality news, you MUST catch up on the Celebrity Apprentice because Melissa Rivers exit the other night was AWESOME! I've never been so happy. She's a crazy kooz.

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  2. He is blind. Make him an appointment with the eye Dr. pronto!

    Classic post… I love a good Lisa Nowak reference. She has twins; my husband has a theory that mothers of twins are all a little nuts. He can't say if they were nuts so they had twins or the twins made them nuts.

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  3. That has to be the craziest comparison to Chuck, ever. That's like comparing a zebra to a baboon.

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  4. Oh, nooooo!!! I can't believe we won't be seeing poor Chuck is jazz shoes anymore! Just wanted to send my heartfelt condolences your way!

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  5. Well, I hear good things about eye surgery these days, so I guess there's still hope...If not, make sure you get a guide dog. Worth their weight in all kinds of sparkly jewels.

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  6. He is not going blind. He is just being a dude. I mean, if you asked him what color you site is, what would he say? "Umm.. pink and um.. dark pink?" He just can't tell the difference in people unless they have boobs. Then, he will know down to the detail.

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  7. Seriously? Those 2 look NOTHING alike! That's so funny...

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  8. How sad am I that I immediately thought of Lulu and Moxley's mom when Chuck got the boot instead of how poor Chuck actually felt? Hysterical post. I'm going back to read it again!

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