Monday, April 27, 2009

Things That Have Jumped the Shark

I realize the term "jumped the shark" has itself "jumped the shark" but anything that invokes images of Fonzie on water skis in his leather jacket still works for me.  So here are some things I think have jumped the shark.  (This means has passed their peak, are no longer relevant, they suck.)  

Nate Berkus: I know he's cute. Why do all the hetero women feel the need to repeatedly point this out?  HE DOESN'T THINK YOU'RE CUTE. HE'LL NEVER THINK YOU'RE CUTE. HE PLAYS FOR THE OTHER TEAM. GET OVER IT. Cuteness aside, he bores me senseless.  I mean, survive one tsunami and you're forever in with Oprah?  Sheesh.  I guess the guy can decorate but so can five million other people for crying out loud.  BTW, he's on today's Oprah which is why I'm boycotting.  How many times can one man appear on Opes?  

Dr. Oz:  To answer my last question, about a billion.  So tomorrow Dr. Oz is on Opes to talk about that flesh-eating disease which we all lie awake each night thinking about.  Can you imagine what he'll bring for show-and-tell? Good times. I won't be tuning in until Wednesday when Opes talks to a bunch of hookers from the Bunny Ranch. Yowzer. Am I the only person who doesn't get this?  Are bodily functions that humorous and fascinating that they deserve their own archive category?  I know the woman checked herself into a psych ward -- and that's somewhat entertaining -- but besides that I don't get it. I, by the way, would LOVE to go to a psych ward for a brief spell. It sounds relaxing and I bet they dispense cool meds I've never even heard of.  Where do I sign up and do they take UnitedHealthcare?

Stephanie Klein's Greek Tragedy: This site has never been funny, but it was fascinating in a voyeuristic sort of way. And then it wasn't.  Watch here where the husband-wife duo discuss going to couples therapy and try to tell me they don't deserve each other and should grow old together so nobody else ever has to date them.  (And yes, I know I have exactly four people who read this blog, including Anonymous who thinks I am a petty person, and the two aforementioned blogs have thousands.  Feel free to point this out but I am aware of that just so you know...)

Having Twins: It was getting to be very run-of-the-mill and then Octomom goes and pulls the eight-at-once card rendering us twin moms a casualty of fertility treatments gone wild.  Even having triplets these days is passe'. Big whoop. Nowadays you need to give birth to identical quintuplets to even have a shot at a reality show.  

Holly Montag and Spencer Pratt: The fact that these two morons even had a shark to jump deeply disturbs me. Even more upsetting is they possibly only jumped it in my very limited world view as I can't seem to get away from the coverage of their second wedding or first real wedding or only wedding or whatever the case may be about which I could only care less about what Nate Berkus will be decorating on Oprah today.  By the way, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? I only know Lauren Conrad, whoever the hell she is, doesn't like them.

Showering Every Day: Unless you're single, who are you trying to impress? If you're a SAHM, showering daily says to your husband in no uncertain terms "I have time to shower." Don't give him such satisfaction (of thinking you have time or having a fresh-smelling spouse). I mean, really, what has he done for you lately?  (Speaking of which, Janet Jackson has also jumped the shark but I don't think she deserved her very own paragraph).

Working: With all the bailouts, stimulus checks, extended unemployment benefits and such, working is for suckers.  (Honey, if you're reading this, I'm not talking to you.  Frankly, I don't want you around all day.)  It's gonna take quite a bit of motivation for me to consider going back to work. Like maybe a boss who looks like Daniel Craig or Chuck Wicks.

If you think something has jumped the shark (me, perhaps?) please share. At least then I will know somebody is reading.


  1. You mean you don't take a shower and are all fresh and clean when he gets home from work? You don't have a cocktail in hand as he walks through the door, the children clean, fed and ready for bed and dinner on the table? How terrible you are. Because chasing twin toddlers is SO easy, you should be a better wife. (Ok, that is total sarcasm but you know, putting it in writing occassionaly doesn't get that across) ;)
    I can't keep up with my single toddler on the weekends these days. I actually am somewhat glad to come into this hellhole of a work space some Mondays. ;) (not very often)
    You kill me with your humor and I am sure that Oprah does too care about your hair. Someone needs to care about mine as it is driving me crazy, want to be my hair care friend? ;)
    Keep up the good work. See you have one more reader out here in the internet.

  2. You make me laugh every day even though it's been a long time since I've wrangled with toddlers - or watched Oprah, for that matter. One thing we do have in common ...
    I'm not famous either.

  3. Sometimes I feel like you can read my mind. I am with you on this entire list...except for the twins...don't have any. Although you could add in Miss CA to your list. I can't figure out why people keep talking to her...just go away already.

  4. I don't really have anything to add -- though I totally support the Heidi & Spencer one. Vom.

  5. how about twitter? It may not have jumped the shark yet but it's about to

  6. Count me among your regular readers! I'll march hand in hand with you on showers and working.

  7. I agree with Rita. Twitter SHOULD jump the shark already. Booooring.

    Just wanted to let you know I'm reading. Always.

  8. Boy, I'd be thrilled if Twitter was officially declared passe. I don't entirely get it, and that would save me the trouble of trying at this point.

    And I have to laugh about Heidi and Spencer! After spending years hearing random references to "The Hills," I nally found it On Demand on our TV and have watched the first 2 episodes of this season--partly because it's kind of hard to look away, partly because now I'll feel like I know what people are talking about. But I did find myself thinking, even as I was watching it, "I'm really supposed to care that much about this?"

    And I think having twins is still totally cool. It's old-school multiples!

  9. Heeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy, I resent this comment: "(And yes, I know I have exactly four people who read this blog, including Anonymous who thinks I am a petty person, and the two aforementioned blogs have thousands.)

    You have me and all my many personalities. WTF, we don't count for somethin'???

    Just so you know...Dooce sucks and you rule the free world. Uh, er, with my bitch, SWT.

    I love your blog EVERY DAY.


  10. omg Lindsay Lohan has totally jumped the shark. Did you see her on Ellen? Who cares if she knew she had been dumped?

  11. I'm thinking it's time for Dr. Oz to get his own show (ala Dr. Phil). That way I won't have to see him on Opes (love the nickname) anymore.

    I'm not sure that the twin thing has "jumped the shark" least not where I live. I still get accosted every time I go out with mine.

    Count me among your faithful readers!

  12. Oh please, please let twitter jump the shark. And speaking of Twits, Perez Hilton. He jumped the shark so long ago the shark has since been eaten for lunch. Which is a shame, cause I much rather see the shark eat him.

    My main problem with dooce is when she complains about being fat. And then shows a picture, and the only fat you can see is her PREGNANT belly.

  13. You have NOT jumped the shark but I'm laughing so hard I can't think of anything witty to say...

  14. Love the blog ... no jump sharking here!!

  15. I am one of your four readers and you were right on with this list.

  16. Count me as one of the four. THANK YOU about dooce. Good jesus. Also, thanks for turning me on to Chuck Wicks. He is good tv.

    Love the pp's idea of twins being "old school"!

  17. Zac Efron... please someone make him stop!!!

    Does this make me reader number 17. Does that mean, I have jumped the shark?!?!

  18. LOL yeah, who the hell showers everyday? Or rather, which mom out there has the TIME to shower everyday?

    Heidi and Spencer are just so... incredibly lame that they are almost fun to watch. I think she's better then he is, though.

  19. I love Dooce. But I also enjoy your blog. ~Sara

  20. Ha, I found this post after googling 'Dooce jumped sharked'. I guess that means it's dead, and she's flogging it now.