Thursday, April 30, 2009

More Shark Jumping

I really just wanted an excuse to post another pic I found of The Fonz in shorts. Plus I've never gotten so many comments -- it was thrilling in an opiate high kind of way. But now I have to list a few more things I suppose...

The term "baby daddy":  Since when have legitimate news organizations been using this term in their headlines?  Can you be married and have a baby daddy or is this just for non-marrieds?  If the latter, I find that discriminatory and would like to ask the ACLU to look into it.

Collagen-Injected Lips:  Other than Lisa Rinna, have we all learned that inflating your lips with copious amounts of collagen doesn't render us looking like Angelina Jolie but rather a not-very-attractive fish, hence the term "trout pout?"  Good.  Who wants to tell Lisa?

Denise Richards: From Bond Girl to Hollywood Wife to Rock Star Girlfriend/Husband Stealer to Reality Star Flop to Reality Star Cast-Off, she's not only jumped the shark but maybe two whales, an octopus and a school of scorpions ... She managed to plummet from A list to D list faster than Pam Anderson changes implant sizes.  Go. A. Way.  Please.  My guess is she turns up next on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Outta Here in Costa Rica only because disgraced Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich couldn't get permission to leave the country. 

Mel Gibson:  Listen, sugar tits, you're not aging well, your wife left you and you have substance abuse issues.  And your new girlfriend looks like Angelina Jolie if Angelina Jolie was hit upside the head with a two-by-four.  

Brad Pitt: And speaking of Angie, ya know what?  Brad Pitt has peaked.  I don't like the beret. I don't like the random facial hair. I don't like the gaggle of kids whose names I'm beginning to no longer keep straight.  She hasn't told me this directly, but my guess is Angie is getting bored and trying to decide how to get out without looking like a family-wrecking fickle-hearted tart. Plus, she really should have someone else lined up (hopefully without an affinity for blood like Billy Bob) to help her care for her traveling orphanage.  That can't be fun alone.

People Magazine's Most Beautiful List: I have no problem with Christina Applegate being this year's cover girl.  She's a lovely, likable gal. But Timothy Geithner and "Twinkle Toes" Rahm Emanuel?  I used to live in Washington DC -- most unfortunate looking bunch of people you've ever seen -- so perhaps they are "DC Hot," which isn't saying much, but MOST BEAUTIFUL??? Other people on the list I have a problem with: George Clooney (how original!), Brad Pitt (ditto!) and Christina Aguilera (hideous!). I haven't seen the actual magazine -- and won't until I visit my dentist or hair dresser -- so I reserve the right to further comment.

Dancing With the Stars:  Chuck Wicks is gone.  Need I say more?  

The United States of America:  Yes, I need say more. America voted Chuck Wicks off DWTS. Clearly the end of our country as we know it. Speaking of which, Julianne Hough made the People Most Beautiful list. Did Chuck?  If so, I may take it off my shark list.


  1. Can I vote for the Disney channel? Please!?!?!?!

  2. "Sugar tits"--why does that never get old for me? Somehow in my mind he's still slightly respectable, so every time I picture him saying that, I laugh. Wher does a person even come up with that phrase?

    And yes, there are a lot of reasons I hate Angelina Jolie. Most of them have to do with covers of magazines in line at the supermarket and very little to do with her acting or sources more reliable than the cover of "Us Weekly." But I hate her nonetheless and would happily see her disappear from the covers of all my checkout-lane entertainment.

  3. I have seriously only recently started appreciating George Clooney's hotness. I used to think he was not hot, then Ocean's 11 changed me. He is beautiful. But yeah. He's been in People's Most Beautiful every freaking year!

    Maybe if Denise Richards was on "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here" she would hook up with Spencer and cause major drama with Heidi? Then, maybe it would be worth watching?

    Is Patrick Dempsey in People's Most Beautiful? Because he is. I loved him from Can't Buy Me Love. Did you not just love that movie?

    And I think the Chief is actually really cute. On Grey's. Am I crazy and alone here?

  4. You are so hilarious and so good with the linking! I could use some lessons. I'm super lazy. As if you didn't know this about me.