Well, this story came at a good time for me because yesterday I locked LuLu in the car. By herself. With my keys and cell phone sitting on the front seat. Also locked in the car. So you can see it was a conundrum. I'm holding Moxley (outside of the car) and watching LuLu wave at me (inside the car) as I'm peering at my keys sitting on the seat. And I'm starting to panic. Then I think of Octomom's frantic 911 call where she threatens to kill herself because she can't find one of her (gazillion) kids. I won't go that route, I thought, because some day I might be famous and the tape will get released.
So instead I began screaming bloody murder for my neighbor who has keys to our house in which there is an extra set of car keys. It was the middle of the day and this gentleman is gainfully employed so I'm not sure what made me think this was a good tactic. Plus, he's single. So if I'm a single guy and I hear a crazed female voice screaming my name out in the parking lot I'm thinking of hiding out in my bathroom until it stops. Because it's probably someone I slept with and never called again. But lo and behold, he was working from home yesterday and came to our rescue like a shiny knight riding in a on a big white horse. If knights wore flannel pjs in the middle of the day. Regardless, as one might imagine, I felt like a bad mother.
The lessons here:
- Don't pick your teeth with scissors. At least not in front of other people. Then again, if he was alone he might have bled to death from a self-inflicted esophageal scissor wound. Just don't pick your teeth with scissors, okay?
- Don't try to take twins out in the car by yourself. Until they turn like 18 years old.
- Companies should let people work from home more often.
- You should always respond if you hear a lunatic frantically calling your name outside your place of residence.
- You should always call a person back after sleeping with them so when a lunatic screams your name you know you're safe to come outside.