Monday, April 27, 2009

More Advice Please?

Since everyone is begging me for more advice (okay, one person and "begging" might be a bit strong) here is another one of my advice columns in an ill-fated, unread, free-to-the-public paper.

Dear L.:


I just found out my husband was never officially divorced from his first wife.  He swears he didn’t know that the divorce never went through and that it was a “clerical error involving paperwork.”  I didn’t even know he was married before.  Could his story be true?


L. Says:


Ha!  If I had a dime for every husband who told me he was still married to his ex because of a “clerical error involving paperwork!”


You ask if this story could be true.  Let’s put it this way:


Could aliens have come down last night from Planet Fatso and injected lard into my ass which explains why I gained weight or was it more likely the whole pizza I ate after too much boozing?  Anything, I suppose, COULD be true.  But ask yourself what is more likely.


I consulted my very influential and highly successful friend who also happens to be a divorce attorney and here’s what she said about your “husband’s” (he's not really your husband as he is fortunately married to someone else) story, and I quote:




Please re-read your question to me.  You didn’t even know that he had been married.  Where I come from one talks about such things prior to getting married.  It usually comes up on a first date somewhere between “I’ll have a chardonnay” and “Do you want to come upstairs?”


Consider yourself lucky that your marriage is not official, chalk it up to bad judgment and think of it as fodder for conversation on your next date. (From whom I assume you will require proof of his single status.)



  1. LOL... You so should have suggested that she look up the local polygamist laws so that he could be thrown in jail! And of course, contact his wife to let him know so that she can sue the rest of his dignity away.

  2. Oh, that's terrific. I can imagine forgiving the "clerical error" that results in your husband not legally being divorced, but she casually adds that he never mentioned this prior marriage. I hope she got something out of the whole deal, at least a lesson on what to ask before you say "I do"!