You might be wondering why I haven't written for a few days. Then again, you might not. But if you must know I've been sitting shiva since I received the news that Vince Vaughn is engaged. I'm not Jewish, but I am Italian and I'm pretty sure old, fat Italian women do something like that back in the old country. It's not so much that Vince is engaged. It's that it's to a civilian. You know what that means, ladies? WE ALL HAD A CHANCE. She's a commercial real estate agent for Christ sake.But let's not lament the fact I was meant to marry Vince Vaughn, just in case my real husband ever happens upon this blog. Let's move on to my thoughts on the world's most pressing events:
- Denise Richards is a harlot. I watched Dancing With the Stars last night (oh shut up) and if I had but one person on Earth I could taser it would be Denise Richards. She's already been boo-hooing about something or other regarding her partner who she says is a "bad boy" and she likes "bad boys." Whatever. Didn't she used to be in movies? And now she's going from a debacle of a reality show to dancing with a bunch of C-listers and has-beens? Do you think Hollywood people get free career coaching when their shows are canceled much like those in the real world do when they get laid off? I take it she didn't avail herself of that offer.
- Speaking of DWTS (did you know they actually have their own acronym?) jilted Melissa from The Bachelor is now a contestant. Um, ABC? It's called Dancing with the STARS, not Dancing with Rejected Bachelorettes. Oh my God... What a great idea! I really should be in entertainment. They could do a spin-off of DWTS featuring all past Bachelor contestants. When someone is voted off, they will be notified by Mary rushing the stage and punching them in the face. One dance each night would have to be performed in a hot tub. Oh, and nobody could perform sober. Trista could take the place of that lady with long brown hair and too much makeup who interviews each couple after their dance. ABC -- ARE YOU LISTENING???
That's all I got. I took on a freelance assignment that reminds me why I don't work. Because working rots. In the past year I've become unfamiliar with the buzz words and annoying acronyms that permeate corporate America. But sadly I'm being reminded... Sigh. Vince Vaughn, take me away!!! Two kids included!!!
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I like your DWTBR (Dancing with the Bachelor Rejects) show idea. You should totally pitch it to ABC!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the work. Acronyms and buzz words have never been my strong suit but Wikipedia saves me from my otherwise hopeless existence.
Oh how I've missed you. So so glad you're back.
ReplyDeleteI was sorely missing my snarky Hollywood gossip. So happy you're back!
ReplyDeleteSeriously, "Stars" is way overstating the people that go onto that show.
ReplyDeleteI'm always a little weirded out when movie stars marry regular people, like why don't I live in Los Angeles so I could meet and marry a celebrity. Of course, there's the troublesome issue of my husband, but who can think about details like that when there are hunky movie stars to woo?
I do not heart denise richards. I swear to god if she starts dating that guy and breaks up his engagement to the chick who used to date mario lopez I am going to hunt her down!
ReplyDeleteoh thank god for you & your take on truly important things. you kill me sister
ReplyDeleteFun, what is your freelance writing assignment on?
ReplyDeleteOh, my apologies. I didn't mean to imply there was anything fun about it. The freelance thing is a stodgy corporate presentation that would make you want to drill a hole in your temple...
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