Added to the No-Fly List

I suspected but now I'm certain that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are indeed insane.  Having just endured a 2-hour flight with two toddlers, I can't imagine globe trotting with six.  Sure, I don't have a private plane or a football team of au pairs, but still.  I mean, Angie and Brad must do something.  Presumably they don't sit their beautiful asses in the front of the plane drinking Cristal while the help tends to their entire brood?  If you are in a crappy mood today, let me cheer you up by noting it could be worse. You could have been on Southwest Airlines flight #1157 yesterday.  You could have been seated directly in front of us with your seat shaking mercilessly because I allowed my kids to jump up and down on the tray tables. Oh yes I did.  I venture to say the other passengers would have had a more pleasant flight if Osama Bin Laden himself was on board and everyone spent the entire time waiting to be blasted to smithereens.

When did I become a mother who allows her children to do whatever the hell they please? The moment the tantrums started. I will do anything - ANYTHING - to avoid a tantrum. Particularly in public.  The crew is lucky the girls didn't feel like charging the cockpit. To keep the peace I also let them eat an entire box (I'm not kidding) of Earth's Best Very Vanilla cookies (they're organic, stop judging).  I half worried that in addition to the disruptive bouncing the people in front of us might wind up with regurgitated cookie in their hair.

My sister, on the other hand, is a very good mother.  Her kids are actually disciplined. Yesterday my nephew was threatened with a time out and I was completely confused as to why. Turns out he threw a toy on the floor. Sheesh. My girls would LIVE in time out if that was a crime in our house. I'm just thankful when the toy doesn't break glass or take another kid's eye out.  What I also noticed is my sisters kids still like her. And then it dawned on me: I am afraid to discipline the girls because they might stop loving me.  I need to check in with my therapist on this revelation before the girls are in juvie and I'm sending care packages with notes telling them they didn't do anything wrong and the police just have no sense of humor.

I, by the way, flew to Alabama (cue Deliverance music) to get out of the cold in Chicago and visit family.  IT IS SNOWING HERE.  It never snows here.  The news people are out in full force making snowmen with gleeful abandon and measuring how much is sticking with rulers. Even the churches were closed today, services canceled. When Jesus can't make it to church on Sunday in Alabama, you know it's serious.  

I'm looking forward to returning to the airport next week where we'll be told we've been added to the no-fly list and we have to hoof it back to Chicago.  If by chance we're allowed to board, here's hoping for your sake you're not on our flight.