Paula Dresses as School Bus for Grammy's

I must live under a rock because I had no idea the Grammy's were on last night until I woke up this morning and was greeted with these monstrosities when I turned on my computer. On an empty stomach no less. Why does Paula look so smug?  My theory is because she's hiding a flask of whiskey in her beehive.  Do you think there's an oversight organization for stylists like doctors have the AMA and lawyers have the American Bar Association? If so, do you think Paula's stylist is being sanctioned today?

And what about this M.I.A. person? (What is an M.I.A.?  I swear I haven't heard of about 70 percent of all the performers from last night.) Can child protective services be called before an infant is even born?  And all this coverage that Chris Brown beat up Rihanna so they dropped out. WHO ARE THEY? I'd be much more excited if Justin Timberlake punched Jewel. At least I've heard of them.

Speaking of the Grammy's, my taste in music is very questionable. My husband has tried to get me into Wilco but they are presumably way too talented for my liking. (He recently bought me a Wilco t-shirt.  Why????  I plan on buying him an Andy Gibb t-shirt to prove the point that nobody wants a shirt promoting an entity they don't enjoy just because their spouse does, especially an aging mother of twins.)   Some of my favorite songs, not necessarily in order of importance:

• I Just Want to Be Your Everything -- Andy Gibb (RIP)
• Waiting for Tonight -- JLo 
• Copa Cabana -- Barry Manilow
• Forever Your Girl -- Paula Abdul (I know!)
• Opposites Attract -- Paula Abdul (I know! I know!)

And my all-time favorite, Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg. Of course if I ran into an old lover at the grocery store I'd hide in the cookie aisle until he left...  Regardless, I cried like a lunatic when Dan passed away.  And last time I heard The Leader of the Band Has Died I had to pull over to prevent a collision.

PS - I am at a cafe near my house. This girl sitting at the next table is blathering on to a bored friend about some guy who sends her one-word answers to her e-mails. But she thinks he's just intimidated by her. They have a connection. She thinks they could be together. He just moved to New York, where she wants to settle. I mean, how is she supposed to take that he moved to the very place she wants to live? They are soul mates. Kindred spirits. They have the same core values. Would it be inappropriate for me to scream at the top of my lungs: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU.  AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE'S NOT INTO YOU AT ALL.  I want to shoot her but I think the guy behind me is even more irritated than I am and might do it for me.