Friday, February 13, 2009

Boo! Scariest Celeb List for Friday, the 13th

Here are the five celebrities that scare me most and why:

1) Daniel Craig.  It's not because he is frightening. Lord have mercy no!  He scares me because of what I might to do him if we ever met.  I bet the unsolicited licking of someone's face and torso is a crime of some sort. And the worst part is, he'd probably be offended when I was really just trying to be friendly.

2) Uma Thurman. I know giraffes who are sexier. But the reason she scares me is this quote: "Desperation is the perfume of the young actor. It's so satisfying to have gotten rid of it. If you keep smelling it, it can drive you crazy."  I always wondered why she married Ethan Hawke. Now we know!  They sat around spewing pseudo-philosophical crazy-ass shit to each other all day because nobody else wanted to talk to them.

3) Denise Richards.  It is, in fact, so not complicated. Why doesn't she just take the handsome settlement from Charlie Sheen and move to Idaho to raise her girls like Demi Moore did?  Now dance-lovers everywhere will be tortured by her during what should be fun family television.  (What do you want to bet she sleeps with her dancing partner - if he likes girls - and several judges?)

4) Sharon Stone.  Please tell me she didn't really want to Botox her son's feet?  Anybody? Please? (And what is she doing in this photo?  Anybody?  Please?)

5) Kelly Ripa.  I'm no doctor, but don't you think her Prozac prescription is too strong? Like maybe if it's halved she'll still be abnormally upbeat but not psychotically overjoyed?  I understand why she's so cheery... pretty, great job, rich.  And that pip squeak she's married to seems really nice. But TAKE. IT. DOWN. A. NOTCH. Please.


  1. 1 - You're funny!
    2 - I gotta say, I loved Uma in Kill Bill Vol. 1 and 2.
    3 - I'm just jealous of her post-baby body!
    4 - Seriously, what is up with that picture? But apparently she's really smart in real life.(?)
    5 - It's depressing how upbeat and happy she is always is!

  2. 1. Hmmm...Im more a Hugh Jackman girl myself but I can certainly understand.
    2. Agreed. I have never understood the appeal... slightly alienish..?
    3. She is definitely prettier when she is not speaking.
    4. Odd, odd, odd....
    5. Awe, come one! I love Kelly Ripa! If I were THAT cute I would be THAT happy too! (And check out the guns on her!)

  3. :) thanx for making a yucky ickity doo da bad-hair day bad-attitude day mama feel just a bit better

  4. kelly ripa is such a beautiful,hot sweet sexy piece of ass.i sure wouldnt mind loving her ass and sexy feet

  5. Um I was going to say something nice about Kelly Ripa...but I think I'll leave it to the previous commenter. Eeek.

    great list!

  6. Wha-ha-hut?!? Britney didn't make it to the list?!?

  7. 1. Are you saying unsolicited licking is frowned upon?
    2. The outfit in the picture only makes it worse.
    3. She always frightened me because her face looks all out of proportion.
    4. Are you serious? Does botox really help with stink?
    5. Happy people as a rule frighten me... She is the ultimate in scary.