Saturday, June 6, 2009

Restraining Order Anyone?

Let's face it, I'm a blast and a half to hang out with. There's no denying that. I mean, I'm deeppolitically savvyhave good Karma and talk about this season of The Bachelorette pretty much every waking moment. What more could you want in a companion? But even I'm not so engaging that someone should go ballistic if I so much as leave the room for two seconds.  

My babies basically stalk me.  I may have to teach them about the birds and the bees sooner than most because (and forgive me if I sound like Jenny McCarthy here in the TMI department) I can't even change a tampon without their presence.  My husband and I alternate getting up with them on the weekends but as soon as they reach the top of the stairs they start chanting, "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!"  Who can sleep through that???  Sometimes they'll stand outside the bedroom door banging on it when they know I'm in there.  

If there was a prequel to Fatal Attraction I bet Glenn Close was similar as a baby. It won't be long before my girls are boiling bunnies on someone's burners.

This is not conducive to my mental well-being and I wonder if a restraining order will do the trick. Maybe even a limited one that is only in effect from 7:00 am to 9:00 am on Saturday mornings for example.  Any law enforcement officials out there who can answer if such a thing is legal?  I don't really want them arrested or anything... but maybe a brief spell in the clink would teach them a lesson: LEAVE MOMMY ALONE FOR 30 MINUTES A DAY WHEN ANOTHER ADULT IS PRESENT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. 


  1. Earplugs, light reducing eye mask and xanax

    Oh and that's for you.. not the babies. ;)

  2. My doofuses are not even close to being toddlers anymore and they will come WAKEMETHEFUCKUP to ask a question while their dad is eating cereal in the next room. I guess I'm not help am I?

  3. One day, you will wish that they chanted Mama at 7am, instead of looking at you with a glare that says drop dead. (I love teenagers....)

  4. I was so lucky as to be able to leave all three kids with my husband on Saturday so I could take a first aid class (me time!). When I got home, the kids were happy, fed, and playing with dad. But the second I walked in the door, they (especially the 15-month-old) started to scale me like I was a mountain and the only water for miles was on my head.

    I was reassured that they were fine without me, but why can't they remember that when I have to pee?

    (And that picture is fantastic!)

  5. What is it with kids?! Mine likes to yell "cock-a-doodle-do" at me the second she opens her eyes in the morning. She figures if she's up, I better be too. I really resent it. At least she's not saying "Cocksucker, wake up!" Yet.