Monday, June 22, 2009

Low Standards

It's no surprise I have very low television standards. I, for example, think this season of The Bachelorette is on par with classics like M*A*S*H and Mary Tyler Moore. The difference, I suppose, is M*A*S*H and the like were trying to be funny. The Bachelorette just is funny.

So it's with great surprise I realized last night that I CANNOT in good conscience bear to watch ONE MORE MINUTE of the debacle that is the Kendra show on E!, even though I was reviewing it for this very awesome web site. I have my standards. They may be low, but I have some. What if the show is picked up for another season and me and my TIVO contributed to this victory in some small way? I accidentally started watching Kendra and for some reason (booze?) decided to review it when I meant to turn on Denise Richards' show "It's Complicated," which by the way it's not, and Kendra came on. MY mistake indeed.

Also, True Blood started back up and it just seemed wrong to watch both shows in one evening. It would be like pairing a really pricey well-aged Pinot with a bag of barbecue cheese-flavored O-Ke-Doke popcorn.

If you know of some really good reality tv, fill me in. I may need to add another show to the void that Kendra will leave. The big, vapid, awful, mind-numbing void.

PS -- The girls and I start "toddler camp" tomorrow. Did our mothers partake in such activities with us when we were babies? The Chicago Park District just sent out a memo with lots of instructions in BIG BOLD LETTERS with an abundance of exclamation points like NO SNACKS IN THE GYM -- NO EXCEPTIONS!!! and SNEAKERS MUST BE WORN AT ALL TIMES -- NO EXCEPTIONS!!! and YOU NEED PROOF OF CHILD'S AGE -- NO EXCEPTIONS!!! Sheesh. Let's all get off to a nice, cordial start, shall we? By the time I finished the memo I felt like I was in grade school and had been scolded by my teacher. And we haven't even done anything wrong yet. Is this supposed to be fun or a preclude to a stint in juvy?


  1. You are going to watch NYC Prep right???

  2. Since you specified BARBECUE cheese-flavored O-Ke-Doke popcorn, I hope that means I can still consider white cheddar O-Ke-Doke pretty classy.

  3. Let's all hope that you turning it off was the last thing required to get "Kendra" off the air!

    My oldest just finished kindergarten. Though the instructions were less all-capped and exclamation-pointy, they were pretty damned serious about labeling backpacks and the like. It was the most baffling experience. I felt like just below the surface, there was this entire system of protocol, but though they would beat certain things into your head (crayons are community property; DO NOT LABEL THEM), others were bafflingly poorly explained. My least favorite was the snacks. We were told to provide two boxes of snacks to be shared throughout the year and spent a solid half hour perusing the snack aisle of the grocery store: the all-natural organic crackers? Or is that too hoity? What about the Scooby Snacks? Higher in sugar but still fun--too commercial? What about fruit snacks? My kids don't usually get them, but they'd be a nice treat. I imagined the looks on the (presumably) judgmental people staffing his school when they assessed our snack choices.

    Poor kid. He's only 5 and I'm already convinced the entire world is judging me via him. That's definite scarring waiting to happen.