Ashlee is in a huff because the media is picking on Jessica for getting a bit tubby. Why can't women just be accepted as they are, wonders Ashlee on her blog. (Pout!) Her outrage follows: "All women come in different shapes, sizes and forms." (And noses!) "Just because you're a celebrity, there shouldn't be a different standard."
Well, hon, see, there is a different standard. BECAUSE YOU ARE A CELEBRITY. Want to be a normal civilian? Well, come on down, sister! Buy your own clothes, do your own hair, take care of your own kids in the middle of the night. (We don't name them Brooklyn Mowgli over here in Normalville so you'll have to visit the birth certificate people before taking up residence.) I might also suggest to Pete that he only wear makeup in the privacy of your own bedroom. Oh, but here in Ordinary Town the media won't care if you gain five pounds and the paparazzi don't tend to go through our trash.
I might start offering a class called Being a Celebrity 101. The lectures will include obvious topics like "Don't Get Cosmetic Surgery if You Don't Want People to Talk About It" and "Photographers Will Hide in Your Bushes -- Deal With It." Oh, and maybe something like "If You Don't Like Being a Celebrity, Walmart is Hiring."
Speaking of Ashlee, I'm not ashamed to admit I actually like the song "Pieces of Me." No, really, I do.