Saturday, September 5, 2009

Someone's Lookin' to Git Killed!

The brave soul who owns the house down the street from my parents -- smack dab in the middle of 'Bama country -- seems to be taunting the good ole' boys with this here sign. As anyone who follows college football knows, University of Alabama plays Virginia Tech today and I guess it's big doin's of some sort. I don't know a thing about college football but you'd have to be busier than a one-legged man at a butt kickin' contest not to notice everyone talking about this game down here. (Note: I plan to use as many southern sayings as possible while I write from, as one commenter put it, my southern satellite office. I want to blend.)

My husband likes college football, I assume mainly because his alma mater has a well-known team. On our honeymoon I was wearing his sun visor and some guy yelled at me, "Go Blue!" I thought the man was coming on to me or possibly insulting me or something. I had no idea what that meant, but I didn't take well to having the phrase "Go Blue!" hollered in my general vicinity.

I got dragged to a college football game one time (Michigan vs. Northwestern), and if it wasn't for my husband's friend pointing out all the girls he slept with before he got married, I would have died of boredom. The fact people sit through games in oppressing humidity or winter blizzards proves that as a species humans are programmed to connect with one another by belonging to groups, no matter how nonsensical. Why you'd love a guy wearing a red and gray uniform but put the same guy in a blue and yellow ensemble and you want to deflate his tires or write obscenities on his windshield doesn't make sense to me.

Alas, this town is fixin' to basically shut down for the festivities surrounding the game. I do hope 'Bama wins. I don't want to see a bunch of depressed southerners moping around until next Saturday when their hope rises again that they'll beat the next team. I'm depressed enough for all of us already.

If nobody else does I might sneak over to the neighbors and T.P. their house. I haven't done that in like three years.

PS -- Per Blogger, I've lost three followers since I made an innocent little post about southerners cladding their toddlers funny. I WAS JUST KIDDING. Come back! I dress my kids in clothes from Target! I am in no place to judge! I actually sort of like the south! Sheesh.


  1. I like Judgey-Lulu! Screw 'em if they can't take a joke. It's a BLOG people, calm the F down!

  2. I was not a fan of gridiron (Kiwi for American football). And I grew up in a Midwest state OBSESSED with it (can I get an O-H? I-O!). It's ironic that I have moved to ANOTHER country that is all about sport. At least in rugby, there are no pads or helmets, and the boys wear cute little shorts. Hello!

  3. I still follow you and enjoy your blog. You have a great sense of humor, and some people can't appreciate that. I don't mind your recent posts about the south. I am a yankee and have lived in the south for 14 years so far. I am used to southerners making fun of me. Of course, I only have one friend and she is from Minnesota. All the southern women I've met are intimidated by me, and offended by my sense of humor, and my obsession with all things celebrity/Hollywood {mostly my lack of religious thoughts/convictions}. Take care and write whatever the HECK you want. Who gives a flying foofoo!?!

  4. I'm as happy as a pig in mud readin' 'bout your experiences in the South, my land, ya know. In fact, we listened to one team on the radio last night and watched our other favorite on the t.v. And it was all the talk at church this mahnin, ya'll. I love me some football almost as much as I love grits.

    I don't give a keer if Forbes thinks Chicago sucks. It's one of my favorite cities. In fact, I'll be there in October to see the rude, crude and funny as hell bitch that is Kathy Griffin.

    I got to git down yonder. See you directly.

  5. You made fun of how Southerners dress their toddlers? Dang girl, now I'm "unfollowing" you. do you do that anyhow?

  6. Oh and that was a joke, by the way. I like to make fun of Southerners too. My family (N.C. born and bred) don't think it too funny, but ya'll gotta get a sense of humor, ya' know? :-)

  7. Oh wow, I surely hope those non-followers just quit reading blogs altogether. Not just from you making a joke. Sheesh, get a grip people! I'm a southerner and thought is was damn funny, and true!