Momager Alert!

Move over Dina Lohan! Okay, so I entered the girls in the Baby Gap modeling contest. So sue me. Listen, I know they are not model material. Unless of course some innovative advertising firm has convinced Gap executives that the best way to sell clothes is to show two screaming hysterical toddlers freaking out in cargo shorts and hoodies. I mean, let's face it, they're cute enough but my kids wouldn't let a stylist get within 100 feet of them so modeling probably isn't in the cards. Although the tantrum / hurling items at crew people seemed to work out okay for Naomi Campbell...

So what's my angle? The family of the "fan favorite" wins a trip to a Beaches resort. Which is why I entered them. But then I looked and some kid named Madison S. already has like 300+ votes. Shit. Either I kidnap Madison S. and go on the trip with her or I start getting a lot of people to vote for my kids. Unfortunately, I don't know 300 people. At least not 300 people who like me. Also, I wanted to play the identical twin card but didn't have a picture where they both looked Gap-like adorable. So I did separate entries and that's likely to get me nowhere. Having an exact replica comes in handy at times like these and I can't even capitalize on it.

Above are the photos I used. I insisted my husband take a photo of them together this weekend where they were both smiling. But he's not David Copperfield for crying out loud. So I went ahead and sent in these before Madison S. has a million votes and we're left in the dust to suffer through another Chicago winter with no beach getaway.

Don't get any ideas and enter your own kids in the contest. We don't need more competition. Plus, Madison S. seems to have the vacation thing wrapped up so why bother? And now some kid named Zoe C. is creeping up in votes too.

So listen lazy asses, my point is this: What do I ask of you really? NOTHING. Until now. Vote for my kids. You can vote EVERY DAY and I expect no less. Go write yourself a Post-It note and stick it on your bathroom mirror or something because I don't want to hear any stupid excuses like you forgot or you don't have time or you think child modeling is exploitative and potentially damaging to a child's self-esteem. Like I said, I don't want them to model, I want them to win me a vacation. Big difference.

You have to register here to be able to vote, which I'm not gonna lie is a big pain the ass but if you're gonna be all "what's in it for me" they give you a 20 percent off coupon code for the Gap and maybe some Disney shit. Okay? Twenty percent off. You're welcome. Be warned -- they ask for all kinds of invasive info like your phone number and birthdate. But hey, you can lie and you're doing it for me. Someone you've likely never met, never will meet and probably wouldn't like even if you did. Here are the girls' entries. Vote early and often (and even while dead) as they do here in Chicago.

I guess now you'll know the girls' real first names but I'm willing to risk our security for a potential vacation. That's how I roll. Vacations first. Safety second. Okay, then, let's kick Madison S.'s and Zoe C.'s asses! Figuratively speaking of course.

UPDATE: Err, never mind. I couldn't even be bothered to vote for them every day and they're my kids. What a pain in the ass. Looks like it's the Wisconsin Dells for us this year.... I took down the link to the girls' entries. I might write a strongly worded letter to the marketing genius behind this whole ploy and explain that nobody has five hours to give Disney and Gap executives their entire life history in a stupid form.