Monday, May 4, 2009

Sweet Dreams

I have never in my life had a good dream. That I can remember anyway. So if you have a good dream but can't remember it, what's the point really?  My dreams are all god-awful. Even if it starts out good, I know something shitty is about to happen. Like if I was just about to start having sex with Daniel Craig -- BAM! -- he'd suddenly turn into Godzilla or Joey Buttafuoco or something and shred my head to pieces.

My assumption is my subconscious is trying to tell me I suck and should start doing charity work to heal my soul or something.  (Picture LuLu and Moxley's mom with her hand over her ears singing "Lalalalalalalalalaala! I can't hear you!") Who has time for such selfless acts? I've got two babies and two blogs for crying out loud. I donated our old baby clothes to the church down the street -- what more do you want from me?

Teeth are always a big theme. I recently dreamt I had absolutely perfect, Hollywood teeth and I was gazing at my own loveliness when they started to crumble.  Leaving me looking like some kind of horror show. I woke up in a cold sweat and started running my tongue over my teeth to make sure they were still there.  Apparently teeth-related dreams are common and mean you fear you are not being heard.  Listen, f@#!ers, start commenting here so I know I'm being heard and leave my damn teeth alone...  

Before the girls were born I dreamt we brought home babies and they immediately started riding tricycles. I said to my husband that I didn't think newborns could ride tricycles and didn't they seem kind of big? He said since we didn't really have experience with babies we couldn't possibly know they didn't ride tricycles and basically told me to shut it, he didn't feel like going back to the hospital to check if we got the wrong ones. WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT MEANS???  I looked that one up and apparently that's not a common one like teeth...

If you're looking for Opes stuff, here's today's post.  I am going to spend my day preparing for the sorrow that will be mine when Chuck Wicks is not on Dancing with the Stars tonight. I'm trying to develop a crush on Ty Murray instead (this will also help me work on my superficial issues) so my interest stays piqued.


  1. I have horrible, wretched, anxiety nightmares every freakin' night. I thought teeth falling out meant you wanted to put words back in your mouth that you regretted saying. Although your newborn dream tells us you felt your husband wasn't listening to you. That will $250 please. I'm LOVING reality roadkill and step away from Ty. He's mine.

  2. I just had a dream that my 10-month-old's teeth came in all jacked up. Like, one of them was sticking out of her mouth and up to her nose. I should go look that dream up...

  3. Interesting. I have teeth dreams, too. I must need more comments as well.
    And followers, I like followers.

  4. I received an e-mail suggesting that perhaps I shouldn't call my readers f@#!ers. Duly noted. I meant it affectionately.

  5. I have teeth dreams too, but since I started reading your blog I'm having TWIN dreams. As in, OMG we're having twins. OMG the newborn twins are downstairs living in the garage. WAIT! What are they doing in the garage? These dreams are so real I actually went looking around the house one morning for the mystery twins. Our third and final child (one year old) is teething like crazy, so maybe that is anxiety over the husband (42 years old) NOT making the vasectomy appointment?

  6. I have dreams about hitting a parked car on accident. Weekly. I also have high school dreams monthly.

    What does that mean???

    Funny, I posted a dream blog today too. =)

  7. always use to have the teeth dream..
    use to have the missed an entire class for a full semester dream
    also use to have the dream where there was an extra room in my house/apt that i never knew about ?? WTF

  8. Of course you were being affectionate, f@#!er!

    I don't really have teeth dreams (though I've read that they're about fear of aging). I do frequently dream that I've just now (I'm 33) learned that I didn't officially graduate from high school because I didn't pass one class, so I have to go take it now. Not remembering my locker combination and being scared of the ladies in the office are frequent themes.

    What does it say that I rarely dream about my kids? Maybe it's just that they never seem to be more than an arm's length away, so I get a break when I'm sleeping.

    (And if you've never had a flying dream, I'm sorry. I've heard different theories, like it's your mind telling you to soar to great heights, but I just think it's my subconscious saying, "You had a lousy day. Here's a treat for you.")

  9. Um, I beg to differ... you SHOULD call your readers 'M-F..CKERS"...because you meant it with great affection...AND some of us have a sense of humor and don't have a stick up our butts. But that's just me - I guess I am abrasive.

    Be who you are Lulu! We love you, you toothless mother-f@#!er!

  10. If you don't call your readers fu&*ers, how will they learn?

    Also, I heard dreams about crumbling teeth mean you're coming into money. I'm completely serious. Let's hope it has to do with your SECOND BLOG.

  11. Call me a F!@#er anytime you want.I do my best to live up to the title. And O Mah Gawd. I just saw Gilles dance. Ty is all yours, baybee!

  12. Is whore off the table too?

    How 'bout c*@#sucker? Cause I can't LIVE with out that one! I dare you to call your readers c*#@suckers.

  13. Did you forget a dentist appointment?

    Dreams can have meaning, or it could be a recap of your day, or it's entertainment. (You having sex Godzilla falling under "entertaining for others".)

    I have the best dreams. I also have some of the scariest fucking nightmares out there.

    -Useless F*&%er listening to you

  14. I have the worst dreams ever, most of the time they're very depressing and horrific and scary. Why can't I have good dreams? What does this mean?

  15. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.