Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Sharks Long Island Style

My Uncle Mike lives on Long Island in New York. If you live in the area you may know him as the guy who would blaze out onto the ice during Islander hockey games dressed as the Stanley Cup back when the Islanders were the best team in the NHL.  Despite good intentions, his actions were not sanctioned by the Islander franchise.  I even remember some noise about an arrest warrant.  Who knew the NYPD were such party poopers?

Similarly, I vividly recall being used as a decoy as a young child while he and his friends tried to sneak into the Knicks locker room.  I should probably have Uncle Mike billed directly for at least half of my therapy fees.

I've written about him before.  He had a few shark-jumpers to add. Normally I would just plagarize and pretend they were my own but he reads this blog and probably wouldn't sit by quietly.  Here are some of his...

Marriage: Heterosexual, homosexual, polysexual ... the whole retched institution has definitely jumped the shark.  (Ed. note: Yes, Uncle Mike is married.  We can only hope his wife, like my husband, does not read this blog.)

Girls Gone Wild: Mark Foley's text messages to those Congressional pages were hotter. Enough already.

Celebrity Apprentice: Donald, you thought Andrew Dice Clay was a good choice because???  (Ed. note: Oh, Uncle Mike, I don't mean to disrespect my elders but HOW WRONG YOU ARE.)

Grown Men in Cowboy Hats: Unless they're gonna wear the little plastic belt, holster and water gun that comes with it, it doesn't work.  (Ed. note: Are grown men in short order cook hats okay one wonders?)

He had a whole host of ones involving politics as well.  However, if my husband finds my blog and sees I want to sleep with Chuck Wicks, Daniel Craig, Vince Vaughn, the guy down the street, the guy who mows our yard (well, you get the idea), he'll get over it. If he sees I published that Fox News, Ann Coulter, Bobby Jindal and the entire GOP jumped the shark, HELLO DIVORCE.  So if you see a list of anti-Republican shark jumpers, read here that I am passively aggressively trying to get my husband to leave me. Which is exactly how I'd probably go about it.

Interested in how I'm coping after the most beautiful man on Earth got unceremoniously tossed from DWTS and who will get the boot tonight (pun intended as I think it will be Ty)? Look no further than here.



  1. I remember Uncle Mike! Hi Uncle Mike!

    Long-time Friend of Lulu and Moxley's Mom

  2. Uncle Mike sounds like lots of fun! I look forward to more of his insights!

  3. I agree with Uncle Mike about marriage. It is no longer about love. It hasn't been about dowries in a very long time. So, now, it is just a political punching bag.