Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Mel Gibson Still Fertile, Still Drunk

Listen, I don't mean to question The Universe. It's bad karma. But is it possible there was a slight glitch when reproductive longevity was being decided?  Why, at age 53, is Mel "Sugar Tits" Gibson adding an infant to his brood of five children and two grandchildren when women in their 30s often have to go through invasive procedures to bear one? The lucky mother-to-be is not Gibson's wife, but his girlfriend (above) who looks like a spawn of Octomom and a young Mick Jagger. Wouldn't it make more sense if BOTH sexes' fertility plummeted in their 30s? It would certainly save a lot of marriages I would imagine... Or how about if the fertility range is upped from it current 13 to 40-ish to 25 to 50-ish? I mean, nobody under 25 has any business having kids anyway, do they?  They're all morons.

Alas, I'm sure there is some biological reason for this. Like the caveman needed to have offspring in every village so his male heirs could help him go club whatever it is they ate for dinner in the Paleozoic Era and he got too old to do the clubbing himself.

In other dumb ass celebrity news, Jessica Biel to Allure magazine:

Is being too good-looking really a problem for an actress?
"Yeah, it really is a problem."


Umm, right-o. Blame your good looks, not your acting, sweetheart. Because God knows Angelina Jolie is really struggling to get cast...

In dumb non-celebrity news: Woman gives birth to twins by TWO DIFFERENT FATHERS. Now there's a Fertile Myrtle.  I would have paid good money to hear her explain that to her husband... I smell a reality tv series deal.  

If you want my take on Dancing with the Stars finale, kindly go here.

3 comments:

  1. Herm the Sperm always gets the good press. Fucker.

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  2. I used to like Mel as an actor and a person. I think the last movie of his I paid to see was Braveheart. He is a hypocrite. The twins story cracked me up when I watched the interview yesterday. It is the story line for Sammy Brady on DOOL. Her twins are shared with Lucas and E.J. Take care.
    -Kiki

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  3. God... Jessica Biel... I can't even name ONE SINGLE MOVIE she has been in! Whatever.

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