Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Top Ten Observations About Facebook

10) Some people are under the delusion that their "friends" (and I used that term very loosely) care about what their whereabouts at all times:
  • 8:02 am -- leaving for work!
  • 8:04 am -- waiting for bus!
  • 8:07 am -- bus late! =-(
  • 8:10 am -- here it comes! Gosh darn CTA! =-)
  • 8:15 am -- chilly on the bus; turn on heat bus driver!
  • 8:45 am -- just got to my cube, going to get a cup of joe!
Note to you people: It's only 8:46 am and your entire network of cyber friends want to shoot themselves right in the head. The worst thing Facebook did was allow members to update via mobile devices. This application allows those of you who have no impulse control to pester the rest of us who do.

9) The term "friends" is probably the wrong word chosen by the Facebook powers that be. Associates? Acquaintances? Passersby? Guy Whom I Met Once That If I Saw At A Party I'd Run The Other Way?

8) Facebook can't be good for the single person's dating life. I mean, you tell the guy you're casually dating that you're going out with your girlfriends and then the other guy you're dating has a friend who posts a photo of you (AND TAGS YOU!!) for everyone to see including the guy you're casually seeing who thinks you were out with your girlfriends. Busted.

7) I just received a friend request from a guy with whom I've never spoken or seen but sent my resume to and he never replied. Friends? Oh, sir, I think not! But I accepted him anyway because that's how I roll. Like a chicken.

6) What's with the thumbs-up sign where you can say you "like something." I'm more apt to go ape-shit with a thumbs down sign on the crap I don't like but the friendly Facebook folks don't seem to provide that option. People seem to give the virtual thumbs-up sign with wild abandon. I will have to really really really like something to give you the thumbs up sign. Like "Just saw Daniel Craig streaking past my house."

5) Notice about 99.999% of comments people make on other people's wall should really just be a private e-mail just between the two of them? Why do I need to know so-and-so is looking forward to having dinner with so-and-so and then another follow-up note where so-and-so tells so-and-so that they in fact had a lovely time at dinner? I DON'T CARE. Unless I'm invited to that dinner and you're paying. But apparently some people do care, because I've seen the "I like it" thumbs-up sign crop up after such posts. Don't encourage these people, people!

4) I'd like to apologize publicly to Andy Fenebock. Andy, I don't know who you are. And judging by the fact that my friend request to you is hanging out in friend limbo, you also don't know who I am. I don't know why I sent you a friend request. Because I have never heard of you. It was an accident. (Lesson: Don't Facebook -- a verb -- while drinking wine.) Hit "ignore" and move on, Andy.

3) You really find out on Facebook the folks who have too much time on their hands. Let's help them out and unwittingly sign them up for charity work in their respective communities. But something tells me these people will then take photos with their phones of their charity work and post it throughout the day. "Look at me feeding the hungry!" "Here I am sorting through donated children's clothes!" "This is me with the charity organizer's gun to my head because I won't stop taking photos and posting them!"

2) I think the high unemployment rate might be directly correlated to Facebook. Would you hire anyone you see in these photos? You interview a nice buttoned-up looking fellow for a handsomely paid position and then you Google him and see him doing the macarena with strippers as they lick tequila shots off his bare chest.

1) I hate to say it, but I am loving Facebook. You know why? Because people are strange.


  1. you can go to your "friends" list and undo the request sent to Andy. his icon will be there with a "pending" or something else written {can't remember}. FB is fun. pretty soon you will be updating your status from your phone and clicking "like" on others comments/statuses. i keep my page clean. i plan to go back to work next fall and i don't want anything crazy out there. i should probably delete that pic from LIPS in NYC where "annie lennox" is smacking my arse with a riding whip. take care.

  2. You can HIDE the people who update constantly. Look to the Right of their post and you'll see the HIDE button. It is wonderful for the random people who are two years younger but went to your high school and might have been to a party you were at once 18 years ago.

  3. Oh, and the "guy who you sent the resume to" probably only wants to be friends so he can recruit you to be on his mafia wars team.

  4. Totally agree. It's only a tiny step about Twitter, which is entirely irritating. I DON'T CARE THAT YOU JUST HAD A DELICIOUS HAM SANDWICH! SHUT IT!

    Now that I got that off my chest, I will go on with my day, pour myself a hot steaming cup of delicious coffee, read my emails, get dressed and go to work.

  5. What about the Quiz-Takers??? I relish clicking on the HIDE box on the right hand corner.

  6. Holy crap your so right! I just joined too and its a scary and strange world out in facebook land. Old ghosts just poppin' up...crazy!

  7. I hate when the people you haven't seen in about 10 years start e-mailing you like they want to hang out or something.

  8. I finally made a separate account for my blog friends and my "real" friends. I was getting very confused when Jen so and so asked to be my friend and I had no clue who she was, only to find out she usually goes by her screen name "MommyOfOne" or something. I felt so rude ignoring these ladies when later I learned I read and comment on their blogs every day. I have now started to ask for their real names before accepting their friendships.

  9. I TOTALLY agree with reason #10. I had to hide someone because I could care less about his minute to minute life. I think he may be one of those lacking impluse control that you mentioned.

    I would like to add one more SUPER annoying thing about facebook. It's that mommy friend that mentions all 101 things she accomplished before 10am. Mysteriously, she left out doing some crystal meth with her cup of coffee because there is no way she did all that. But anyway . . . whatever she needs to feel validated that day so everyone can oooh and ahhh over her SUPER busy life.

    I like Lisa's fb plan.

  10. Facebook cracks me up. Since I rarely check it, I'm overwhelmed when I do. And it really is all things like "waiting for the bus." And I'm thinking "Do I need to know that last week at this time, you were waiting for the bus? Isn't that what Twitter is for, pointless updates? I assumed that Facebook was at least for things we ought to find interesting." Alas, no.

  11. I could so rock that thumbs down ape shit button.

  12. Why are we not Facebook BFF's yet? :(

    (as you can see I read through a few posts)

  13. Well, Facebook IS a social networking site. Some people are more extroverted than others....just more social. I, personally, just ignore the things I don't want to read. Who really cares...they are obviously getting enjoyment out of it....so why should that bother me? Maybe I'm just a little more tolerant than some...it just doesn't bother me. Relax...enjoy life...and let others do the same. Just don't read if you don't want to. :0)

  14. I have just downloaded iStripper, and now I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.