Monday, October 12, 2009

Paging Al Gore

It's already reached temperatures not fit for the human population here in Chicago and we had to make an emergency run for new winter coats earlier than expected. I don't know about you, but I'm not convinced global warming would be a bad thing. Why don't all of us deserve San Diego-like weather? Did you see March of the Penguins? Those poor creatures were freezing their emperor asses off and could perhaps use a bit more balmy weather. Maybe the males could do more enjoyable things (like eat) rather than sit on an egg for months if it was a bit less frigid. Then again, maybe that's why they mate for life. It's too damn cold to go trolling for sex. Similarly, has anyone actually asked the polar bears their optimal temperature preference or are we just guessing they like it that bitter? Which begs the question: Does Al Gore even speak polar bear?*

Regardless, I'm already running out of indoor activities to entertain the girls. Witness Exhibit A: them running around the parking lot vandalizing cars in our temporary building, the staff of which is counting down the days until we vacate the premises:


(Sorry no musical accompaniment this time. Hum "Life is a Highway" amongst yourselves.)

For those wondering if this is dangerous, perhaps. But keeping my kids inside with nothing to do but watch Caillou (dear God who is responsible for creating that bald miserable little monster?) is far more dangerous. For me. Yes, yes, I know there are lots of safe indoor activities for children in Chicago. I've done them all in the last two weeks: Children's Museum, Fantasy Kingdom, Day Frog, Pump It Up, Chicago Park District crap, Baby Bulldogs and the list goes on. If it exists and charges money, we've been there.

Oh, except Room2Play which is on my shit list. We drove there on Thursday -- AFTER CONFIRMING THEIR OPEN PLAY HOURS AND ADDRESS ON THEIR WEB SITE -- to find a large sign informing us they've moved. Their web site forgot to mention this minor detail. So I drive to the new address and they are not open. I call the number listed and the recording says they will reopen this week. This handy information would have been appreciated BEFORE I drove all over the Chicago metro area looking for a place for two screaming toddlers to play for $12 a pop. Of course I'm desperate for indoor activities that aren't spelled C-A-I-L-L-O-U (if that is indeed how you spell it) so I won't protest Room2Play or withhold my business. I'll just talk about them relentlessly behind their backs. Feel free to prank them. Or Twitter meanly about them which I suppose is this generation's answer to prank calls.

*Dear Environmental Enthusiasts, I am kidding. I am very concerned about global warming, as are you. Just yesterday when asked if I wanted paper or plastic I tried desperately to remember which was the politically correct answer and answered "Paper! No plastic! Wait, which am I supposed to want?" I also shop sometimes at Whole Foods. They sell organic food. Don't send me hate mail.

11 comments:

  1. Am I lazy or are the girls super fast runners? I guess I really know the answer to one of those questions...

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  2. They look cute in their new coats! We live in the Chicagoland area also and I am besides myself about the weather this week. Surely, we cannot be expected to come up with all of this indoor play crap already?!? What will we do from Dec-May? They'll be sick of it if we start it already.

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  3. After watching the video of the girls, I turned to my co-worker and said, "wow, those fuckers can really move fast". Then I regretted calling your beautiful two year old "fuckers".

    But hey, at least I know that you're supposed to bring re-usable bags to the Whole Paycheck, uh, Whole Foods. So, in short, I may be an asshole for referring (lovingly) to your sweet lil' shorties as fuckers. But, really, who is the bigger asshole? No need to answer, I think we all know.

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  4. Ok, it's me. I'll admit it.

    But you have to admit, those little fuckers are freakin' CUTE!!!!

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  5. I'm going to have to agree with Diana, your girls can run fast!
    Super cute coats! Please send some cold weather down South...We're suffocating under 90 degree weather and 100% humidity.

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  6. We got so much snow today, I thought it would never stop coming. (We're outside Minneapolis.) And it only landed on half the yard, because the giant elm tree in the backyard is still covered in green leaves! Who gets inches and inches of snow when there are still green leaves all over the trees? It's going to be a strange Halloween.

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  7. That is a great video; I commend you for not consistently lining the girls up and making them "race" like my husband likes to do. They are fast...kinda of like the Iditarod without the dogs and snow.

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  8. I would be honored to meet up and hang out with you "old people" if we all go to BlogHer! You seriously made me spit coffee out my nose I snorted so hard when I read "old people"!

    :-)

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  9. That video was AWESOME!! You crack me up!

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  10. I'm assuming that car she was beating on was yours? If not, why the hell didn't the alarm and lights go flashing on and off? Now THAT's toddler entertainment!! I was in Chicago last weekend and could have sworn that the adorable twin girls at the table next to me were Lulu and Moxley but I knew the instant I said something, the entire restaurant would sneer at me and have me kicked out. If that was you at LB's in the Sheraton Tower, I'm sorry I missed talking to you.

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  11. LOVE the stroller video!! My daughter is almost 2 and loves to run with her stroller in the house. Maybe I should find a big place for her to run with it outside and she could have as much fun as your girls. :O)

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