Paging Al Gore

It's already reached temperatures not fit for the human population here in Chicago and we had to make an emergency run for new winter coats earlier than expected. I don't know about you, but I'm not convinced global warming would be a bad thing. Why don't all of us deserve San Diego-like weather? Did you see March of the Penguins? Those poor creatures were freezing their emperor asses off and could perhaps use a bit more balmy weather. Maybe the males could do more enjoyable things (like eat) rather than sit on an egg for months if it was a bit less frigid. Then again, maybe that's why they mate for life. It's too damn cold to go trolling for sex. Similarly, has anyone actually asked the polar bears their optimal temperature preference or are we just guessing they like it that bitter? Which begs the question: Does Al Gore even speak polar bear?*

Regardless, I'm already running out of indoor activities to entertain the girls. Witness Exhibit A: them running around the parking lot vandalizing cars in our temporary building, the staff of which is counting down the days until we vacate the premises:

(Sorry no musical accompaniment this time. Hum "Life is a Highway" amongst yourselves.)

For those wondering if this is dangerous, perhaps. But keeping my kids inside with nothing to do but watch Caillou (dear God who is responsible for creating that bald miserable little monster?) is far more dangerous. For me. Yes, yes, I know there are lots of safe indoor activities for children in Chicago. I've done them all in the last two weeks: Children's Museum, Fantasy Kingdom, Day Frog, Pump It Up, Chicago Park District crap, Baby Bulldogs and the list goes on. If it exists and charges money, we've been there.

Oh, except Room2Play which is on my shit list. We drove there on Thursday -- AFTER CONFIRMING THEIR OPEN PLAY HOURS AND ADDRESS ON THEIR WEB SITE -- to find a large sign informing us they've moved. Their web site forgot to mention this minor detail. So I drive to the new address and they are not open. I call the number listed and the recording says they will reopen this week. This handy information would have been appreciated BEFORE I drove all over the Chicago metro area looking for a place for two screaming toddlers to play for $12 a pop. Of course I'm desperate for indoor activities that aren't spelled C-A-I-L-L-O-U (if that is indeed how you spell it) so I won't protest Room2Play or withhold my business. I'll just talk about them relentlessly behind their backs. Feel free to prank them. Or Twitter meanly about them which I suppose is this generation's answer to prank calls.

*Dear Environmental Enthusiasts, I am kidding. I am very concerned about global warming, as are you. Just yesterday when asked if I wanted paper or plastic I tried desperately to remember which was the politically correct answer and answered "Paper! No plastic! Wait, which am I supposed to want?" I also shop sometimes at Whole Foods. They sell organic food. Don't send me hate mail.