Friday, October 23, 2009

The Crib Climber

"See what you made Mommy do???"

One of the girls has figured out how to get out of the pack and play, which they are in since we have been temporarily exiled from our home. They were excellent nappers until she discovered instead of sleeping she could jump on the bed, tear clothes out of drawers and press her face into the mesh of her sister's pack and play in a gleeful goading manner that seems to say, "I can get out and you can't -- BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

I feel like I'm starring in the toddler version of Ferris Bueller's Day Off and I'm the evil principal.

Luckily (like Jennifer Grey who plays Ferris' sister) the other twin is pissed at this development and screams "Out! Out! Out!" like the good tattle-taler I always hoped to raise. (Actually, I think she's yelling that she also wants to get out and can't, but let me fantasize that she is offended by this blatant act of rule-breaking, thus the outbursts.)

I went into their room FOURTEEN times over an almost-three-hour period before she finally was too exhausted to hoist herself out. Every time I burst in the room, she would react differently. One time she pretended she was asleep on the floor. Another she put her hands over her face like she was playing peek-a-boo. Next she hid behind a chair. My favorite was when she continued jumping on the bed singing the Caillou song ("Caillou -- that's me!") as though bouncing around on a queen size bed at naptime is perfectly normal.

We move back to our house next week where plummeting a few feet onto a hardwood floor from the crib might stop this nonsense. Or it might necessitate a trip to the emergency room. So crib tents have been ordered (overnight delivery) and they will be set up before we move back. Boy, will they be pissed! Another bonus -- they can't toss their pacis out. (YES THEY ARE STILL ON A BOTTLE AND USE PACIS. SHOVE IT.)

In the meantime, I'll consider pacing back and forth to their room repeatedly my exercise.

PS -- RE: Caillou. Yes, I know you all warned me. But they had already had a taste of that little bald f#$% so it was too late. I have so many questions about Caillou. Why is that mother always so cheery -- does she not know she has two children under the age of four? Why does the grandmother look so much older than the grandfather? Does Ms. Martin have sex? Why does the mother wear the same thing every day? (I do too but I'm not on television.) Why does every adult female wear a headband? A constant stream of questions go through my head as we watch Caillou. One I'm especially not proud of: "What if that fire engine lost control and smooshed Caillou?"


  1. seriously...I would order a crib tent just to keep the pacifiers in the crib

  2. My kid is 25 months and still uses the bottle and pacifier so no judgement here. We loaded her crib up with 25 pacifiers at night/naptime just so we wouldn't have to keep going back in there. Then she flung herself out of the crib so now we line the floor around her crib mattress with them where she sleeps w/o the crib frame.

    I'm curious how you will like the crib tent. For us, it worked great at first but we chucked it into the donation pile after cursing it out during sheet changes. You pretty much have to remove/reinstall the whole thing each time you change the sheet unless you have a really ill-fitting mattress or don't mind bruised fingers/ripped nails. Maybe the manufacturer expects you not to change your sheets, or maybe they assume everyone has a housekeeping staff to do it for them. It turned out to be easier to just let the kid wander their baby proof room for hours. Oh, and sometimes the kid figures out how to get the zipper unzipped. I hope you have better luck with it than we did.

  3. Congratulations on moving back into the house! I made it through two kids without either one every trying to climb out of the crib. Knock on wood that the streak holds with number three. And I will not criticize you about the bottles or the pacifiers. My oldest gave up the bottles when he was 2 1/2 and finally, angrily gave up the pacifier (only when he was actually sleeping) just after his 5th birthday. My second hated bottles but used the pacifier until he was 3 1/2, when he sort of magically forgot about it and I quickly threw them all out. My youngest hates bottles and pacifiers, but at 19 months, she's very nearly weaned--so there's no magical reason I'm not having that battle with her, I'm just having a different one.

    Yes, Caillou is creepy and weird, but at least it's not Barney. Right?

  4. When my twins were 18 months old, I also ordered and used the crib tents. Hey, you have to do what you have to do in order to preserve naptime. Am I right or am I right? Plus, my little guy banged his mouth on the crib bar one day and blood was actually drawn. That was the day I ordered them.

    In regards to Caillou-the mother is clearly tripped out on some kind of vallium in order to deal with the dweeb she married and her clearly frumpy self.

  5. You crack me up!! Being proactive about crib safety (I mean nap preservation) is the way to go. Glad you finally get to move back to your house soon!

  6. Crib tents are the best! I think the girls liked them as much I as I did, it was like they had their own little house and enjoyed the privacy. Nothing worse than you sister jumping on you when your sleeping.

  7. I am so glad I stumbled on this! I was debating a crib tent myself just yesterday, so now that question is answered!!

    As for Caillou? My 17 month old is addicted... and it drives me insane. I have many of the same questions that you have. *lol* Although my favorite of yours is the fire engine question! LOL!!!

  8. My youngest is 11. I miss pacis.

  9. I just want to know why Caillou is like 4 and still bald. . .

    Good luck on the crib tents, I hope they work.

    Seriously, you crack me up...that last paragraph was the cherry on top! :-)

  10. I work at a daycare, and several of our toddlers figured out how to climb out at nap time and go play in the toilet. Luckily, they've moved on to better things, like removing their pull ups and peeing everywhere because they are pissed to be put in a pull up.
    Caillou also makes me think weird things, like this episode I saw where Caillou is playing with his friends who are black twins, and I wondered if there was suppose to be some sort of horrible racist implication that black people look the same.... I know horrible.