I taught a class one night last week about transitioning into a public relations career. The fact I am transitioning OUT of a public relations career is, evidently, irrelevant. It's one of those things I agreed to months in advance and then when the date actually arrives I want to shoot myself or something similarly deadly for agreeing to it in the first place. I'm more likely to be excited about teaching a class about hosting a blog that only about 12 people read, one of whom is my mother and probably just because she feels obligated. But, let's face it, nobody is going to let me teach a course called "Write a Blog Nobody Reads" although I think the title alone might be intriguing to certain underachieving, self-loathing writer types.
Regardless, at the risk of generating serious envy, I'd like to share with you the financial details of my lucrative teaching endeavor:
Payment for my services: +$300
Cupcakes from upscale bakery to buy students' affection and goodwill: -$45
Cab to and from class: -$38
Manicure (one can't have credibility with one's students when one's cuticles are bloody stumps): -$15
Pedicure (who gets a manicure without a pedicure?): -$25
New lipstick to make me look professional (or like
a harlot depending on your point of view): -$16
Copies of my presentation since I am currently without a printer: -$17
Two McDonalds cheeseburgers with fries and Diet Coke (the #2 Meal Deal if you will, not Supersized but I thought about it) because I wouldn't be home for dinner and because it's what I would choose for my last meal if I were going to a death sentence which I felt I was: -$3.36
Large (venti? grande?) Starbucks skinny vanilla latte because
I was tired and the class lasted til 10 pm which is two hours past my bedtime: -$4.10
Uncle Sam's portion: -$120
PLUS, of course I needed a new outfit because I can't stand in front of a
bunch of judgmental people way younger than I looking like a fuddy duddy now can I?
So let's add a $415 JCrew expenditure to the list.
In summary, I spent $703.46 to make $300. That class cost me $403.46.
So as I keep telling my husband -- my working does in fact not pay. I,
frankly, CAN'T AFFORD to work.
PS -- Feel free to borrow this rationale if your spouse is currently hinting
you may want to consider getting a job. Get a job? Well, I'd love to!
But we simply can't afford it...
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Okay... please tell me the $3.36 is not the price for 2 cheeseburger meals? Because waaaay up here, your neighbours to the north, it is $3.55 just for a cheeseburger and medium fry, no drink (not that I would know the exact price, of course). Blatant discrimination, I'd say. Blatant.
ReplyDeleteAnd, deary... I wrote the book on blogging for no one. Well I would, if I weren't so lazy. Plus my readership of your blog, alone, counts as 10, if not 20, people. For reasons I should probably not disclose. (The voices... oh the voices...)
Hey, I'm a faithful reader! I guess one of the 12.
ReplyDeleteBecause being a SAHM isn't work. At least your husband doesn't know about your blog. Women's Lib was such a bad idea.
ReplyDeleteThis was awesome! I noticed that you didn't add in child care. Did your husband watch the girls? And if so, was the house picked up and dinner cleaned up because sometimes they "forget" to do those things.
ReplyDeleteI am a totally loyal reader and look forward to your posts!
I would totally take your class on Writing a Blog Nobody Reads. Although it wouldn't be an entirely accurate title, because I'm a loyal reader, and I'm not even your mom!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about paying to work. As a day care provider, I feel like I'm often riding that line. We should be fancy out-of-season fruits to expose the day care kids to a variety of things so they won't end up like PickyPants and PickPants Junior. But holy crap, that stuff gets expensive! Would a Cricut (as seen on TV!) be a valid business expense? I could totally make awesome preschool projects with it. But we would have to store it somewhere and my husband would kill me either for the $500 expense of for the giant thing we now have to keep somewhere.
I knew being self-employed was hard: you're responsible for all the aspects of keeping your business running. But I never knew it was so expensive!
Self employment is hard, I'm just dipping my toes into it after quitting two retail positions and not being able to find a salaried job. Now is so not the time to be finding jobs. It's been nothing but a nightmare.
ReplyDeleteI love that kind of rationale. It should keep us all out of work for a while. I hate Uncle Sam by the way. He's a hog and always taking more than his fair share...
ReplyDeleteCount me in as a regular reader!
ReplyDeleteYou haven't factored in babysitting/childcare fees in there. That pretty much takes most of what I earn. :(
Show us the outfit!!!
ReplyDelete