At first I felt bad. This poor woman has tourette's syndrome, I said to myself as I tried to ignore her incessant whooping during my usually low-key spinning class. Then a song she apparently really really really liked came on and the whooping ceased and the singing began. "It's raining men! Hallelujah, it's raining men! Amen!" She knew every word by heart and was standing up on her bicycle pedals screaming each syllable. I thought that song had kind of been taken over by the gay population but she was taking it back and making it her own.
I just looked down and pedaled along, kind of embarrassed for her and the entire room, and breathed a sigh of relief when the song finally ended. "NICE!" she declared loudly and clapped, looking around at the rest of us and trying to make eye contact, presumably wondering why we weren't cheering along with her.
"Woooo Hoooooo!" she shrieked when the instructor announced we were going to start a steep climb to the top of an imaginary hill. "YEEEESSSSSSSSS!" and she high-fived an invisible person and she yelped a few more times and I promised God I would be a better person if the next song was something like Nirvana to which she probably didn't know any of the words. Unfortunately, it was that Rolling Stone song about getting off of Mick Jagger's cloud. She didn't seem to know all of the words but was intermittently singing and humming and gesturing in a "get off my cloud" kind of way and then pointing at random people during the "hey hey you you" parts. I wondered if I could slip undetected off my bike and slither out of the room. But I sort of think she may have started hollering at me or singing to me or something.
Seriously, if she becomes a regular at this class, I may have to take to smoking pot -- which I don't even like -- to relieve stress in the mornings. This class is really the only time that works in my schedule so it's not like I can just switch times. What motivates one to be a menace during a 45-minute cardio workout? I think the karma gods sent her there to punish me for yelling obscenely at my neighbors on July Fourth.