I'm angry today. I can't quite put my finger on it but let me try:
- See the sign at the park that says, "No Dogs?" I'm not sure what is confusing about this sign. It even has a picture of a cute little dog with a red line through it. Oh, what's that? Your dog is nice and loves children? Well why didn't you say so! I will contact the Chicago Park District immediately and ask them to change the sign to read No Mean Kid-Hating Dogs. You're right sir, this rule couldn't possibly apply to you. Oh, sure, let your dog crap all over the park. No problem. I'll just return the favor and let my toddlers roam diaperless all over your lawn when it's time to do business and hope your dog steps in it and you have to scrub it from head to toe and it still stinks to high heaven. Then you can erect a sign that says No Toddlers and I'll explain that it can't possibly apply to my children because they are nice. A--hole. (PS -- I don't hate dogs so don't send me hate mail. I did, however, hate the book Marley and Me.)
- The Michael Jackson coverage. He's dead. He's not coming back. Please, by all means, let me know when you've closed your investigation and which doctors have been indicted but please please please for the love of God, stop with the play-by-play. And if the doctors are never indicted and don't lose their license to practice medicine still please send me their names so I know who is apt to give out Tylenol with codeine for no reason whatsoever.
- That presumably Jillian Harris may be moving to Chicago. Wicked! I'm pumped! I've got butterflies! Although truth be told I'd prefer Ed move to Vancouver. Chris Harrison, you seemed quite influential while talking Jillian into whose proposal to accept last night -- could you kindly suggest they take up residence in Canada? Any other country besides ours would be fine too.
- That I made a delicious acorn squash with brown sugar recipe and my kids won't eat it. I don't know for certain it's delicious since I won't try it either. Because it looks like squirrel guts. I'm an adult, I can eat Twinkies for dinner if I want -- why would I eat squash? But it's got brown sugar in it so how bad can it be. Damn spoiled kids don't appreciate my buying fresh organic vegetables and slaving away in the kitchen. God I'm old.
Oh, my husband is annoying me too but that's like mentioning Lindsay Lohan is a nutball. WE KNOW. Although I think he is annoyed with me too. Very rare. I'm just not that annoying of a person. I don't like these table-turning games. YOU are the annoying one and I am the one who gets annoyed. Get the roles right, buddy. It's been working like that for six-plus years and I'm in no mood to switch.
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I think if editors were smart, they'd put a cute dog on the cover on every damn book that ever comes out. Because that was the best part of Marley.
ReplyDeleteI may be in a bad mood too, but your post still gave me a giggle.
ReplyDeleteHow can three delightful women such as ourselves be so cranky at the same time? Oh, did I mention Stefanie hopped on the cranky train about the same time we did? Did we all three forget to take some happy pills? What is it?
I, for one, am gonna go eat my feelings.
I don't eat the squash my kids will not either! My husband eats it.
ReplyDeleteI am right there with you, I have an unexplained a hair trigger temper right now.
It seems that as soon as one gigantic source of stress in my life calmed down, another popped up to take its place. (I just typed "pooped up," which may be more accurate!) Beware the crabby lady who clearly needs a haircut and a vacation!
ReplyDeleteI just hate people who think the rules don't apply to them. I don't care if it's politicians taking bribes or people with 16 items in the 15-items-or-less lane. I have to follow the rules, so do my kids, and so do you! I'm a dog owner and dog lover, and I'd still be pissed to see a dog at a clearly marked no-dog park.
And yes, don't get me started on "I made this, plus it's chock full of sugar, and you won't even take a bite?" I may as well give in now and just start feeding them nothing but cold shredded cheese (not melted, mustn't be melted into anything), apples, and orange crackers. Then there would be no more fights about eating at all!
wow, i've been in a real bad mood and completely agree with all you've said too. i blamed the heat on everything, because there's not much i can do about it.
ReplyDeleteAnd we thought we were the only crabby ladies?! I feel a little better. Misery loves company.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why dogs aren't allowed in some parks. I clean up my dog's poop OK? Just because some jerks can't clean up their dog's poop it ruins it for the rest of us! You know what I don't like? Signs that say "please pick up your dog's poop." Those that don't automatically pick up dog poo aren't going to start just because of a sign with a smiley face on it.
ReplyDeleteThe dog doody thing would seriously tick me off too.
ReplyDeleteSorry, hon, but I wouldn't eat acorn squash with brown sugar either.