Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Barney, The Gap and Rejection

Who is the sick bastard who thought me up?

My children have finally realized that we've seen every Caillou ever made 10 times each and keep saying, "New Caillou!" I gently explained that the Caillou production staff can't keep up with the public's insatiable appetite for fresh programming. When that didn't register, I simply said "Caillou night night" and that seemed to do the trick.

So we channel surfed until we landed on Barney and they seemed intrigued. Good God in Heaven! Where do they find the children featured on this show? I'm trying to understand what such a casting call might say:

Seeking inordinately unattractive children who are shunned by their peers and often get thrown in lockers at school for long periods of time. The more annoying and unlikeable the better! Must not be fearful of large, extinct, dancing reptiles. Overweight with no sense of rhythm and very thick eyeglasses a plus.

What is Barney selling anyway? The theme of the one we saw was about saving the Earth and I half-wondered if Al Gore was in that big purple suit.

Speaking of exploited children, I haven't heard from The Gap people. If you recall I entered the girls in the Baby Gap modeling contest in a misguided attempt at a free vacation to Sesame Street Beaches. Apparently -- and feel free to share my disbelief -- the Gap powers-that-be must think they've found kids CUTER THAN MINE. I'm not so upset for me but more for the girls. I think facing rejection at the tender age of 2 is a lot to handle. I guess I'll just be honest: "The Gap doesn't think you're pretty enough for the big-time and if you're hell-bent on a career in entertainment you might want to consider plastic surgery." Then to rub it in maybe I'll suggest they try out for Barney.


  1. Hey, look on the bright side, at least they've said goodbye to Caillou for a while! Sorry about the Gap rejection. I'm sure the girls will get over it soon... Try not to shed too many tears. You'd hate to have to cater to the demands of two, two year-old divas!

  2. There's still hope. The gap contest is ongoing. Winners are notified later this month or maybe December.

  3. ummmm...why the large font?

  4. Anon at 12:05 -- Corrected. Thanks even though I hate to be corrected...

  5. I don't think Barney is in production any longer (yay!) but when it was it was taped here in Dallas.

    A passing aquaintance keeps telling me that my little boy "looks just my son at that age". She's also told me that he was one of the children on the show (he's in college now). I haven't watched any more episodes than absolutely necessary, so I haven't seen him, but I think I'm insulted. My kid's cute! (really, I'm not biased - much)

  6. Still keeping my fingers crossed for the Gap contest. And yes, Barney is evil, mostly because of those creepy kids. I keep thinking there's always a new Dakota Fanning coming along, and even Sesame Street has really adorable kids. Why does Barney intentionally hire the hammiest, creepiest, worst-acting kids imaginable? I'm just glad my kids have accepted that there will simply be no Barney in our house.