Holiday Tidings and Such

A belated Merry Christmas! As with any time of year, we had some up and some downs this holiday season. First of all, after dressing my twins as identical candy canes for Christmas (thank you Hanna Andersson), I will never ever make fun of how anyone else clads their children. And when I say "never ever" I mean not this week.

I rarely dress the girls identical (as if coordinating is smugly superior to exactly the same) but the leggings I planned for one twin were on back order so I gave in to what always seem to delight the masses: identical twins dressed identically. This adds to the holiday chaos (I love adding to the holiday chaos) since the only way some family members can immediately tell them apart is by listening to me address one of them and then memorizing who is wearing what. (Per a ridiculous message board I subscribed to, some identical twin moms get offended when people can't always tell their identical twins apart. Identical twins are, as the label suggests, IDENTICAL. Which makes it hard to keep them straight. Get over it. Or tattoo their foreheads.)

Their cousin asked, and rightfully so, if their outfits were in fact pajamas. Well, if not they should be. And at $87 for both (on sale, mind you) rather expensive pjs at that. I can't decide if I henceforth hate Hanna Andersson or want to buy every last stitch of clothing the woman sells. Because the stuff seems comfy as hell and if I become one of those mothers who wants to dress like their daughters so we all match I know where to go. (Hanna has a "Match With Me" section on her web site for easy family coordination -- even for dad! What poor sucker of a father gets duped into that? With such orders, along with a credit card number they require you to send in your husband's manhood.)

And on a side note, if I do become one of those mothers who wants the entire family to match please go the ends of the Earth to find out who I am and where I live so you can send a firing squad. Also, why the double "s" in Andersson? And doesn't Hannah usually have an "h" on the end? Is Hanna trying to make it difficult for people to locate her web site, like those chic after-hours clubs without signs so only "people in the know" can find them (or people like me, not in-the-know who are then pissed when they finally DO find it and want to kill somebody)?

On another note: Is there currently a federal holiday-related Cash for Clunkers program? If so, I'd like to avail myself of trading in the world's worst and most overpriced toy on the face of the planet. It was from the deceivingly named and ridiculously marked up site Back to Basic Toys. They hit you with the nostalgia from your youth and then try to sell you a cheaply made replica that is nothing like the original but 10 times the price. Do I sound bitter? Good. Because I thought a remake of the Fisher Price old school parking garage was being shipped to me but instead got something that didn't even come with cars. (It's a parking garage! Without cars!) It's so flimsy that if you breathe near it, it collapses. That after the assembly practically required a certified member of the UAW. You know what I should have just gone and bought? The version Fisher Price is currently hawking. Live and learn.

But we also bought the biggest hit of the season from Back to Basics. (See how fair and balanced I am? If my hair were blonder and my teeth able to blind people even with my mouth closed, I would be perfect for Fox News.) It's this jumpy thing which will surely land us in the emergency room before year's end:

It only took us (well, who am I kidding, my husband) two hours to set up but it's like a free babysitter! A babysitter on crack cocaine who endangers kids lives but a babysitter nonetheless.

Other things I am grateful for this Christmas season (besides overpriced-yet-comfy garments and dangerous contraptions that entertain my children for a whole day but don't charge $15 an hour):

• A flight that despite bad weather was only delayed an hour. Yay Southwest!
• My particular flight didn't have any of those singing / rhyming / stand-up comedian flight attendants on board. Double Yay Southwest!
• The Yogurt Melt shortage has not hit Birmingham, Alabama. Yay Southern Distribution Center of Gerber Foods!

Merry Christmas, People!

PS -- As a New Years resolution I think I will stop over-using parentheses. (I tend to use them when I have very important thoughts but don't quite know how to work it into the overall dialogue. It's annoying.)