Thursday, December 17, 2009

Todder Wrestling (and a Possible Visit from Child Services)

Have I mentioned I intend to at least break even or possibly earn a small profit off my identical twins? Well, I do. And the Gap people have made it perfectly clear I won't do so on the girls' looks alone. (Not even in the top 20??? Apparently the Gap's benefits program doesn't include Vision.)

Listen, I've had enough deadbeat boyfriends to know when someone is taking me for a ride. And I'm starting to see some of those same "red flags" coming from the girls. Like they expect me to supply three meals plus snacks, yet never pull out their wallets when the bill comes. Do they think yogurt melts grow on trees? (Substitute "beer" for "yogurt melts" and I'm right back in the early 90s...)

So with a modeling career a dead issue, I wracked my brains for hours to come up with an alternative money-maker without outright selling them. Then it came to me: the WWE.


video

Notice the intimidating pre-match dance the one twin does? The WWE loves that crap! Is the identical twin shtick enough or do I need to go all out and get them mohawks, tattoos and start them on steroids? Does the WWE have a toddler division? Regardless, if Hulk Hogan can be successful in this market, I can only assume it can't be that hard. Then again, you'd think getting a book deal would be a cinch given Lisa Rinna got one. Sadly, no. (OMG, Fish Lip's book has 54 reviews for an average of 4/5 stars! Who knew Lisa Rinna had 54 friends!!!)

10 comments:

  1. i think you have a real WWE tag team there. the sleep sacks are the perfect costumes, too. the sacks make it difficult for the twins to use their legs. the rolling and falling is much more entertaining. i miss those days of my lil' guy running around in his blue sleep sack. take care and good luck with the WWE. if it helps, i went to HS with miss mcmahon. i could put in a good word.

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  2. While reading this I realized in a moment of red faced embarrassment that I too entered my kid in that contest. AND THEN I REALIZED SHE DIDN'T WIN. Assholes. Must be the vision plan.

    I'm uncomfortable with twins fighting each other. They should be a team, right? So what I'd like to see instead is your twins taking on another pair of twins. Like team wrestling. We need to give them weapons, like inflatable baseball bats with squeakers at the tip or sharpened candy canes. Can you hook that up?

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  3. You just made my day.

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  4. You never know, it could take off. They just need some sparkly spandex costumes over their diapers and they'll be set!

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  5. Nice angle on turning your twins into cash cows, hadn't thought of that. I also have 2 year old twin girls. I knew they weren't cut out to be model material when people started commenting that they look like me.

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  6. In their little nightgowns they look like Little Cindy from Whoville. Get them on a ladder, teach 'em some smack talk and rake it in, baby, rake it in!!! They're gorgeous and The Gap is retarded.

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  7. Hilarious! And their room is super cute. Love the rug.

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  8. They can do it! I'm sure of it. Like you said, if Hulk Hogan can do it, they can. Plus, their hair kind of looks like his here.

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  9. I love the video! And my 4-year-old keeps asking why the babies are rolling on the floor, and why that man is singing. Maybe he can be their manager.

    I think you've got a routine here already! With the jammies and the paci and the giant grins, people would definitely pay to watch that!

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  10. Hilarious! I love that they still had their sleeper bags on while wrestling!

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