Do you think when Jesus fed the homeless and turned water into wine and other stuff that made people name a religion after him that he ever thought he'd one day be depicted as an infant in a Little People's Nativity Scene set? We got one for Christmas last year and as I set it up the other day one of the girls came running, picked up Baby Jesus, yelled "Baby!" and flung him across the room then giggled manically when he hit the wall. I'm not sure, but I think you can be deterred at the pearly gates for that. The other one seems intent on alternately eating Baby Jesus and throwing him down the slide while yelling "Crash, boom, bang!" Is this what Fisher Price had in mind when they conceptualized this product?
Why is Santa such an asshole in Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer? I have fond memories of Christmas specials from when I was a kid so I was excited to watch Rudolph with the girls. I forgot how mean Santa is and that there is an abominable snow monster. He came on screen roaring and rolling his big googly eyes and I shrieked, "Look at the nice snow man!" and immediately changed the channel. All I need in life right now is my kids to start using monsters as a stalling tactic at bed time. Right now we're in the "I"m thirsty" stage which is easily rectified with some water but I don't know how to handle misfit abominable snow monsters.
Speaking of Christmas specials, did you know there is a Christmas-themed Caillou where Caillou goes Christmas caroling with his family and then has a Christmas party at school where Ms. Martin explains how different religions have different holiday traditions? Did you know I've been forced to watch it 57 times so far and I might hunt down whoever does the voiceover for Caillou's character and bludgeon him or her?
Does that Elf on a Shelf guy look like he's up to no good or is it me? I mean, he is the one who is supposed to spying on the kids and tattling to Santa, but I feel like any minute he might spring to life and rob us blind. And I feel like he's always watching me, judging. I want to wipe that smirk right off his little elfish face.
My girls are obsessed with what food we'll leave for Santa and the reindeer. When I suggested apples for the reindeer the mean twin screamed, "Those are MY apples!" See what I'm dealing with here? She gets the concept that these reindeer are flying here to leave her presents but doesn't even want to share any apples with them, even after I explained how hungry they'd be from their long journey. She finally agreed to letting Santa have some milk and cookies but only if she got some before bedtime too.
I can't wait until they're old enough that I can implement the old coal-in-the-stocking threat. Which really should negate the need for an elf sitting on my shelf. Maybe I'll add him to the Little People nativity scene to ratchet up the blasphemy a bit.