Sunday, December 6, 2009

Neigh, Neigh Grandma!

How would you feel if a two-year-old pointed at you and your baby and exclaimed, "Baby Grandma!" Because presumably in her eyes you look way too old to actually be the baby's mother? Would it add insult to injury if that child was dressed as a horse? That is exactly what happened when I took my girls to a playroom on Saturday, my OCD twin being the offending kid. I almost died (because it's all about me, not about how the mom who was in fact NOT the baby's grandmother felt.)

I'm not gonna lie. This woman was no spring chicken. She could use a little (maybe a lot?) of Botox, some "Wash That Gray Right Outta My Hair" and hell, maybe even a full facelift. But I had my girls when I was 39 so I'm lucky some big-mouthed kid hasn't done the same to me. Anyway, I tried to redirect the horsey, but remember, this is my twin who gets fixated on things. Usually Halloween attire, but that day, it was a mom who -- from a toddler's vantage point -- looked like a Grandma. It didn't help the girls are now in a stage of being fascinated with babies, so she would not let up. This is not a big place. And she relentlessly followed them, pointing at them -- very proudly mind you because she had spotted a grandma -- and would shriek "Grandma! Grandma!" She neighed a bit here and there too, but again, I think that made matters worse. I momentarily considered packing them up and leaving but I just paid $25 to get in and, really, in the whole scheme of things it's not my fault the woman isn't aging well.

You don't really go to an indoor play area expecting to be heckled. So does one apologize for this? If so, what would one say? "Ummm, hey lady, sorry my daughter thinks you look like an old goat..." In the end I did what I normally do: ignore ignore ignore and make no eye contact whatsoever. The poor woman probably has an emergency appointment with a plastic surgeon set up for first thing Monday morning.

I hope there are no horses in the waiting room.


  1. I just had a lady I know tell me that happened to her recently. She is in her 40s and her daughter is three. Seriously, though, she doesn't look that rough and I'm not sure she looks like a grandma!

  2. Haha! No offense to that poor woman but the twin is brilliant! I don't know too many toddler who could come up with Baby Grandma from looking at someone with too much grey hair!

    Poor woman... She's probably sitting in her bathroom with one of those pore-hater magnifying mirrors and dialing a dear friends plastic surgeon.

  3. Awww, shit!! But you got a fabulous picture. My youngest was getting a haircut when he was around two. The woman cutting his hair was grossly obese, African-American and the nicest person on the planet. My kid kept saying, "Monkey? Monkey?" Let me die.

  4. Ok, I almost fell out of my chair laughing! That is hilarious. You were dead on with the ignore, ignore, ignore idea. I mean, really, what else is there to do? By the way, love the horse outfit. And hey, look at it this way, at least they are starting to like people right?!? Bonus for you.

  5. My MIL passed away when my oldest was about a year old, and my mom looks really young (no wrinkles, no gray hair--god, I hope I get those genes, because in every other way I look just like my dad). So I don't think they have much of an idea of what grandmas look like. But I'd have been right there with you--pretending I couldn't hear it, or even that I'd never met that kid in the horse suit. The suit, by the way, is a hilarious addition to the story!

  6. this story is wrong (and by wrong I mean oh so right) on so many levels. Starting but by no means ending with the horse attire. I love that the woman was no spring chicken. It's certainly no one's fault that the woman hasn't been introduced to Botox yet. Come on, it's so affordable. In fact, you've inspired me to step up my game. I'm going to get some Renova tomorrow! I want to be mistaken for someone's great granddaughter.