Above are typical ensembles that male southern toddlers wear. Is this so their mothers can show their childhood photos later in life as a humiliation tactic? I can barely make eye contact with these poor boys down here at the park. "You must feel really dumb, Duncan," I whispered to one tot sympathetically as he climbed the slide. I knew his name was Duncan because it was emblazoned on his mint green poplin one-piece accented with a smattering of trucks, presumably so people know he's a boy. Because otherwise, dressed like that, it was hard to tell.
And what's with southern dads allowing this to go on? Even my husband, who as we established is fiercely afraid of me, wouldn't stand by silently if I dressed a little boy like this.
I'm sorry if you live in the south and dress your son in these rompers and are offended. Think of it as a friendly wake-up call: YOUR SON LOOKS RIDICULOUS. Go to his closet immediately. Throw out anything that even remotely resembles the attire above. Then get up off your ass and report directly to the nearest Gap or Old Navy or JCrew or just about anywhere that sells toddler clothes for boys. Pick out a few pairs of shorts and short sleeved t-shirts and be done with it.
You're welcome.
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To make matters worse, isn't clothing with the child's name on it supposed to be a no-no because the serial killers can be all "Hey, Duncan, your parents asked me to give you a ride to the ice cream factory" and the dumb kid will be all "Well, he MUST know my parents because how else would he know my name?"
ReplyDeleteAlso, WARD? Seriously? I can't figure out whether it's worse to dress a little boy in that green outfit, or to name him Ward.
I really thought that first one was an orphan uniform. You know, like ward of the state. Kind of like how they put "prisoner" on the orange jumpsuits.
ReplyDeleteAlso, why are the bottoms so big?
OMG! Those are horrible! I guess the silver lining is those are American flags and not rebel flags!
ReplyDeleteThere IS a god! You're back to posting every day. Maybe the south is good for your soul.
ReplyDeleteHilarious! And I totally agree. The only rompers I put my son in at that age was Hanna Anderson and even those were few and far between.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree more! If you are an offender Please .. Please at the very least skip the white knee socks and white dress shoes. Pimps are the only people who can get away with those shoes
ReplyDeleteCan I tell you how much I would rather see a kid in these kid clothes than the hordes of miniature adults hanging around elsewhere. All the slutty three year old girls and boys wearing t-shirts that say "chick magnet" or jeans that are made to hang down to their hips so you get little flashes of diaper as the sag. Please. Tell me that seeing kids dressed in kids clothing isn't just a little good for the soul? No, okay, then. Chalk me up as some cruel southern mom.
ReplyDeleteThey're called "Jon Jons" and my little guy has one that came from Carters and is plaid. Cause that's so much better than the sissified ones shown. Truthfully though, there's no waistband and shirt, so their great on a hot day. I'd wear one if I could get away with it. The heat down south is brutal.
ReplyDeleteBut that's beside the point, you missed the latest trend, which is to have one custom made for their birthday with a cupcake, a giant 1 or 2 and their name. The cost for this one time only outfit is between $40-60. Crazy.
I also think they look dumb. Although I would dress him in it if someone gave it to me for free, and he had nothing else clean...
ReplyDeleteI can't get over the "Ward," like he ought to be smoking a miniature pipe while he eats sand! I guess my kids clothes must scream "My mom shops at Target and does not turn up her nose at hand-me-downs!" And most of the time I'm fine with that. I will admit, once or twice, to finding myself at a playground in one of the richer suburbs or something, wishing my kids had a $40 onesie they could romp in, just to show them all that I could afford that. But then I regained my sanity, realized I couldn't afford it, and remembered they are horrid anyway.
ReplyDeleteMy husband would drop dead if he saw either of our two toddlers wear those outfits! That is so funny.
ReplyDeleteThis was great to read! I too, hate them! My husband's best friend allows his wife to dress their two boys in that crap. And get this...with the long socks/knee highs! Really. I wish I was kidding. Poor kids.
ReplyDeleteI have also never understood these outfits. My husband would have my head if I ever attempted to dress my son this way. The horror!! And the little monograms of various holiday paraphernalia makes the whole thing even worse. Your son looks ridiculous with a pumpkin/christmas tree/cupcake/firecracker on his chest. He will track you down later in life for this offense...
ReplyDeleteI just wonder if you would be so apt to critique another sub-culture you're unfamiliar with, especially if not a "white" one. It's a little weird, yes, and also completely unimportant. Ward is a old southern surname; they are often used as given names, as well--simple as that.
ReplyDelete