Thursday, February 11, 2010

Okay, Seriously I Need a New Topic...

Parenting 101: Give Your Child the Bribe Whether She Performs Required Task ...Or Not

Dear Lord, if I knew my blog was going to turn into Crockpotting and Potty Training Central, I might have just joined a Mommy and Me group, abandoned what was left of my sense of humor and called it a day.

That said, I have a potty update. Aren't you riveted? Twin B apparently DOES read my blog, because shortly after publicly accusing her of Jan Brady Syndrome, she promptly peed on the potty. The first thing she said as I clapped manically and pranced around their bathroom like one of those Gymboree instructors that freak me out was: "Show Daddy!" She didn't want me to pour the urine in the toilet and flush it -- she wanted to save it for approximately 9 hours until her father returned home from work. Probably not normal. But that's okay! I have two little girls who have peed on the potty!

Now here's the bad news -- they refuse to repeat this amazing feat. This may have something to do with the fact that when their mother sees bodily waste in the potty she acts like Amy Winehouse discovering that the fuzz forgot a kilo of heroin in the previous night's drug bust. Perhaps I need to tone down my celebratory antics a bit.

So it's bribe time. I told them they would get stickers if they both went and sat on the potty. They zoomed into the bathroom diaper-less and before I had a chance to get there I heard the potties burst into music, meaning presumably, if you own the Fisher Price Musical Princess Potties like I do, they relieved themselves adequately. I felt smug. Who says bribes don't work? I walked in and found the potties upside down and the girls repeatedly pressing a button underneath that triggers the music. They are either diabolical geniuses or had such a negative first potty experience that I'll be forced to send them off to college with a case of Depends.

I moved from stickers to lollipops. The deal was they could only suck on their lollipop while on the potty. See the photo above? Does it look like she's on the potty to you? That's my parenting style in a nutshell: Always give in and send mixed messages whenever possible. Some people have a college fund. I have a therapy fund.


  1. nothing wrong with bribery. i have been using that tactic with my husband for 10 years and my son for about 5. they think they are being rewarded, but i am actually the one getting exactly what i want. i love to manipulate. take care and congrats to both your girls and their successes.

  2. Hey their making progress. I haven't tried the potty training yet, and right now I am happy to just talk it over with him. Soon the potty..and he just looks at me like yeah, right lady!

  3. Don't be knocking the case of Depends for college... it might not be as bad as having to look for a new pediatrician. Took Dan to the doc yesterday and brought Ed along. He'd been dry ALL DAY LONG in his "big boy" underwear and promised if I didn't put a pull-up on he would tell me when he had to go "potty". Got to the waiting room and while I was taking Dan out of the carrier, Ed climbed up on this upholstered bench to look at the fish tank and peed ALL over it while staring at "Nemo". I'll never be able to wait in that waiting room again...

  4. I just can't stop laughing at the image of them pushing the secret button. Your 2-year-olds have outsmarted Fisher Price; you're in serious trouble!