Saturday, January 16, 2010

Co-Conspirators

It was Miss Orange and Miss White with a Calendar in the Babies' Room

I think my children are trying to kill me. When they get in their cribs at night, and we finish up a ridiculously long bedtime routine, I think they get out a calendar and start conspiring. "When should we get sick?" one asks the other. "Well, Daddy will be out of town next week. That seems like a good time." The other then thinks about it. "Yeah, the next holiday weekend isn't for a while... I suppose we should get scary high fevers the minute he leaves and then pull something big the Sunday of Memorial Day Weekend like we did last year." The other one nods. "I agree. The Emergency Room is so much more drama than the regular old doctor's office. Plus maybe someone who looks like George Clooney will be there."

WHAT THE F@#$???? Tragedies only occur around here when my husband is out of town (water pouring into my home displacing us for months anyone?) or it's a holiday weekend and our pediatrician is closed. And by "tragedy" I mean I am forced to be up all night. If you knew me in the real world you would know this is indeed a tragedy. People, I LOVE SLEEP.

So rocking a toddler last night from 2:00 am to 6:30 am was not my idea of fun. She had a fever and was not remotely tired. She wanted to chat. "Saw butterflies. Went down bumpy slide. Barney is purple. I like ice cream."

Umm, fantastic. Now go to sleep. "Don't like medicine. Want cherry lollipop. Watch Caillou!"

Right. Shoot me.

Still, as I sat there and rocked her, it occurred to me (like at hour three when I started feeling philosophically delirious) that that's sort of what motherhood is. Being there when they can't sleep but you're dying to. Singing "Jingle Bell Rock" 75 times in a row even though the holiday season has passed and you try to explain this but they don't get it so you are forced to belt out Christmas tunes well into January.

It's not always fun. It's probably not SUPPOSED TO BE always fun. And even though in the middle of the night as I prayed for sleep* and it didn't seem like a good time, I look back on it today and see that it sort of was. Getting to snuggle with her for hours while she rambled every thought she had in her little head. After all, I've had worse Friday nights. They usually consisted of a guy asking me if I planned to pay for half the dinner tab. And if he said things like "Butterflies pretty," it would have been a conversational upgrade.

That said, they better not pull that crap tonight. I need sleep. And to plan a girls weekend for Memorial Day so I'm out of town. I'm pretty sure my kids are scheduling something unpleasant.

*God's answering service must wonder why I only pray about sleep. ("Please God, let them nap today. If they nap today I will (fill in the blank with something I have no intention of doing.)" Just once I might confuse them and pray for world peace. Or maybe a new toaster.

PS-- Yes, the one twin is still orange. What can I say? The girl loves herself some carrots.



9 comments:

  1. Poor you. I am with you on loving sleep more than almost anything else. And yet... I will complain about it mercilessly and get all the mileage I can when I walk to my husband, but I will smile and snuggle and listen and clean up whatever needs to be cleaned up in the middle of the night, if it's for my kids.

    We have one movie that we had bought but never watched, then one night my oldest woke up with a screaming, crying ear infection. He was old enough to tell us about it--3 or 4, maybe--and he was in so much pain. So we dosed him up with Tylenol and opened up the new movie. We snuggled on the couch and dozed and watched that movie twice. And to this day, every time I see it, I am reminded of that sweet, awful night.

    I hope tonight is better and that you can get away and leave your husband with sick babies for Memorial Day.

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  2. I could not agree more! They do conspire these things around holidays or major events. After 7 years of this nonsense, I've started my prayers before the holiday/major event that took a while to plan even begins. Please God, don't let them get sick. Please don't let me get sick from them. And so on and so on...

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  3. You are so funny. I love the baby schedule.

    And I just recently paid $100 to look orange at the spray tan place. Look at all the money that Twin is saving you.

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  4. I totally believe they conspire to get sick at the worst time! I remember reading about the water damage incident and thinking, wow, it's not just me that this crazy shit happens to when my husband is gone!

    But having said that, there is something in those moments of taking care of sick babes.

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  5. I am totally going on a carrot only diet. If I'm as gorgeous as she is in a month I'm coming after you. And you think last night was miserable...

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  6. I mean if I'm NOT as gorgeous...sometimes drinking in the morning makes things hard.

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  7. Our girls must know each other. :O) I spent every night of the 3-day weekened awake (daughter sick when I picked her up Friday afternoon, mommy gets sick Saturday morning, daddy gets sick Sunday morning). Hope you start to get caught up on your sleep soon. :O)

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  8. I'd like some sleep too. My 2 yr old still doesn't sleep through the night. I didn't even notice the orange until you said something. Wish my kids would eat carrots!
    Tiffany

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