I announced to my husband that I am going to start cooking and evidently he took me seriously. Because he came home with a brand new crock pot yesterday. For those of you who don't know me, my announcing I'm going to start cooking probably means very little. For those of you who do know me, you might be on your way to the ER or pulling a Fred Sanford.
This desire to start cooking really isn't about a desire to start cooking. It's that if I don't we as a family will rarely have meals together. As it stands now, I am regaled with five-star meals at 8 pm most nights prepared by my husband after work while the girls are subjected to mushy purees, Steam Fresh peas and canned green beans at 5 pm. So I said I'd give being a 1950s housewife a try so we can all eat together sometimes. I'll get all spiffied up in a sleeveless shift dress and heels before my husband gets home, get the girls clean and house tidied up, greet him at the door with a martini and a hot meal on the table. This is the new me with minus the perky boobs and perky attitude:
But while perk isn't my thing, I am going to try to serve up a new pleasant attitude along with dinner. Which, let's face it, is going to be a far bigger challenge than throwing slabs of meat in a slow cooker. I've been fairly unpleasant to everyone but my children the last two years so it's now kind of a habit. I'm not even sure if I remember how to be nice unless it involves singing the Caillou theme song 100 times in a row. Surely cooking will be a piece of cake compared to the pleasant part.
Although I may be over-estimating my ability to learn to cook. The last time I really tried to cook adult food was around 1994. The recipe called for baking chicken at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. I was running late so decided to up the degrees to 450 and halve the baking time. I never heard from my date again so he might be dead from salmonella poisoning. I didn't really like him and I wasn't charged with a crime so all ended well.
So wish me luck in cooking and not killing my family in the process. I will photograph the first meal I prepare and perhaps videotape the response of the meal's recipients. I'll start brainstorming appropriate musical accompaniment. Perhaps something by Poison.