Monday, January 4, 2010

Crack Pot

I announced to my husband that I am going to start cooking and evidently he took me seriously. Because he came home with a brand new crock pot yesterday. For those of you who don't know me, my announcing I'm going to start cooking probably means very little. For those of you who do know me, you might be on your way to the ER or pulling a Fred Sanford.

This desire to start cooking really isn't about a desire to start cooking. It's that if I don't we as a family will rarely have meals together. As it stands now, I am regaled with five-star meals at 8 pm most nights prepared by my husband after work while the girls are subjected to mushy purees, Steam Fresh peas and canned green beans at 5 pm. So I said I'd give being a 1950s housewife a try so we can all eat together sometimes. I'll get all spiffied up in a sleeveless shift dress and heels before my husband gets home, get the girls clean and house tidied up, greet him at the door with a martini and a hot meal on the table. This is the new me with minus the perky boobs and perky attitude:

But while perk isn't my thing, I am going to try to serve up a new pleasant attitude along with dinner. Which, let's face it, is going to be a far bigger challenge than throwing slabs of meat in a slow cooker. I've been fairly unpleasant to everyone but my children the last two years so it's now kind of a habit. I'm not even sure if I remember how to be nice unless it involves singing the Caillou theme song 100 times in a row. Surely cooking will be a piece of cake compared to the pleasant part.

Although I may be over-estimating my ability to learn to cook. The last time I really tried to cook adult food was around 1994. The recipe called for baking chicken at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. I was running late so decided to up the degrees to 450 and halve the baking time. I never heard from my date again so he might be dead from salmonella poisoning. I didn't really like him and I wasn't charged with a crime so all ended well.

So wish me luck in cooking and not killing my family in the process. I will photograph the first meal I prepare and perhaps videotape the response of the meal's recipients. I'll start brainstorming appropriate musical accompaniment. Perhaps something by Poison.


  1. That's hilarious! I *heart* my crock pot. Here's one bit of advice, don't put boneless, skinless chicken breasts in the crock pot. They are super dry!

    Can't wait to see the pictures! Good luck!

  2. There is so much padding in that 1950s bra (I mean how else do they get to look like cones coming off the front of you?) that I'm surprised she doesn't go up in flames! I hope your meal turns out well! I'd scrap the clean children/house idea though. You don't want to lay all your cards out at one time, ya know?

  3. As noted, I'm pretty weak in the kitchen department too, but I've had okay luck with the crock pot. It helps that I'll eat almost anything, but I've cooked a couple of meals in there that rank slightly above "edible."

  4. i want to get one of those. saw a nice one at Costco. not sure what to do with it, though. have fun with your new gadget, Julia Child.

  5. Ya... I use my crockpot for one thing and one thing only... to warm store-bought dips to go with my Tostidos. Although I do add cheese to the artichoke and asiago dip so that counts as cooking, right? RIGHT?!?! And yes, I'm fully aware asiago is a type of cheese but if there's one thing I know in life it's this: you can never have too much cheese. That and take a book to the bathroom, it's gonna be a while.

    Ew... I took that too far. Too far.

  6. We used to be on that exact same 5pm/8pm timetable. I wonder if it's a toddler thing? Anyway, then I got a crock pot.

    The crock pot helped me have some meals ready when my husband got home from work. Some amazing, good meals. (Get a cook book.)But the crock pot didn't make me any nicer. (And my husband still does most of the cooking.)

  7. There is a Yahoo group called Simmering Crockpot and people post all kinds of recipes for stuff they cook in a crockpot. I have made lots of the various recipes and they are good. Compliments from the crowd at my house.

    Plus then I don't have to rush to go from freezer to table in an hour like usual. ;)

    Good luck and let me know if you want some of the recipes I have found, I have them electronically so I could email them to you if you are really serious about this whole thing.

  8. I love the crock pot idea but have yet to actually pull it out of the cupboard. I can make breakfasts to be proud of and have spent the better part of four years mastering feeding many children tasty things at 8 AM. But by 5 PM, I am worn out and dying for all the day care kids to leave so I can deal with just my three. So it's chicken nuggets again, and a sandwich for me when they go to bed.

    The problem is I seem to have created monsters. They're so used to "kid food" (noodles, chunks of meat with vegetables on the side) that I'm afraid of how they would react to something I'd like from the crock pot. I hope it goes well--and that the girls eat it. I never went the "all organic" route when mine were little, so maybe you're already ahead of me in the "pickypants" department, but if your girls will eat it, maybe I'll finally try it with mine!