The Emergency Room is calling my name. This is what I found upon racing into my daughters' room the other day during what was supposed to be nap time. In case it's not evident, they both climbed in the same crib that offers access to a ledge where they continued to inch over and at some point would have been dangling from it without the crib as a safety net had I not lunged downstairs thanks to our video monitor, which before buying I predicted was about as necessary as a wipes warmer.
Of course, as discussed previously, it's hard to convince a toddler what they've just done is wrong if mommy whips out her cell phone to photograph the evidence for the amusement of strangers.
These girls, who have been excellent at slumber just like their mother up until this point, now have a million excuses why they can't nap or retire to their cribs in the evening or what my own mother used to refer to as "bedtime shenanigans."
The Direct Approach: "I not tired."
The Antagonistic Approach: "I NOT TIRED!"
The Thou Protest Too Much Approach: "No night night! No night night! No niiiigggghhhtttt niiiigggghhhhhtttt!"
The Starving-On-the-Verge-of-Death Approach: "I hungry! Hungry hungry hungry. Cookies? Lollipop? Ice cream?" When that doesn't work they start listing more healthy food choices: "Apple? Carrot? Squash?"
The Mirage-Inducing Thirst Approach: "I thirsty! Water! Water! Water!" (This is followed by them being provided with a cup of water they sip gingerly at their leisure, very slowly, until it's all gone, about an hour later.)
The Wet / We Confuse Our Pronouns Approach: "I wet! Change you!"
The Scared Approach: "I scared! Too dark!" In order of self-reporting, they are afraid of the following: thunder, lightning, a choo choo chugging through their room and a rather rotund child named Charles we happen upon from time to time.
The What-Are-Ya-Gonna-Do-About-It Approach: Climbing out of the crib, opening their bedroom door, climbing up the stairs to find me and announcing nonchalantly: "Hi."
The I'm Gonna Break My Leg Approach: As illustrated above.
We're veering into big girl bed territory. I was hoping to stave that off until age 5. Sigh.