The bitch stole my mojo. Does anyone have Tom Cruise's cell phone number?
Speaking of losing my sense of humor: I'm pretty sure it was stolen and I know the culprit. Suri Cruise. I'm serious. Due to this Famecrawler gig, which was restructured and now requires a lot more of my time, I am eating, breathing (and hating) Suri Cruise. And, really, I owe her something for all I've written (and not very entertainingly) about her. Her fuzzy pig slippers, her bunny ears, her New York City dining habits, her mother's unfortunate ensembles, her father who seems to be missing in action. So she swiped my sense of humor, the little well-dressed brat. Seems fair when you think about it. Whereas she's probably regaling her parents with witty blog posts of her own, I may resort to turning my blog into a regurgitated knock-knock joke haven, or maybe a site for bad dizzy blond jokes.
God help me. I PROMISE to think of something funny to write soon. I'm thinking of going to an overnight Buddhist retreat to get my soul back into alignment. You probably think I'm kidding but I'm not. There's one right around the corner from me, which appeals to my lazy side. Are Buddhists supposed to be funny? Let's hope so.
PS -- My children are monsters. I've lost any semblance of control in my own household. There are demands for lollipops at breakfast, closet-emptying antics at naptime, furniture destroyed all in the name of "building a boat for Arnold" (the little pig from Kipper), tantrums if I don't let them don Halloween-themed outfits every day. I officially give up. Look for me (looking like a deranged mental patient) on a future episode of Nanny 911 when said nanny admits for the first time some children are beyond help. If you want to volunteer to put me out of my misery, let me know and I'll forward my address.
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i love the Mouthy Housewives and the Fame Crawler gig is awesome, too. congrats! i still don't think you've lost your sense of humor. i think Jenny M is un-funny and i can't believe they used Twitter to announce their split. i think celebs use Twitter so they won't have to pay their publicists to put out statements for them.
ReplyDeletemy sister's twins are driving her bonkers. she indulges them and they "walk" all over her. they turned 2 in january and are even more vocal about their likes and dislikes. they visited me for a few days and my sister asked me to discipline her children. i welcomed the opportunity. i embrace the mean aunt label. she's preggo with her fourth. not sure how she'll handle 3 under 3, but i look forward to the challenge. take care.
BTW, i love Suri Cruise. keep those FC posts coming. are your posts for FC paying off?
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Walking around NYC in your bedroom clothes and slippers seems a bit eccentric for a 4 year old. And what's with the long straggly hair. What happened to the cute bob and clothes? For the two of them.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you talking about?! You are totally funny!
ReplyDeleteIs she wearing heels?! My daughter wobles around like a drunkin sorority chick in her plastic play shoes with less heel than that!
That is so awesome with the whole FC gig! Going to check out your links now!
I blame Suri for all the evil in the world.
ReplyDeleteYou were an awesome guest poster. Who knew you were faking it?
Ahhh.... two year old twins. Fun, isn't it? You are giving me flashbacks. What is the deal with putting a 3 or 4 year old in high heels everyday? I mean come on. Really? At least since the weather has warmed up, we can only hope that Katie has put that god awful beanie hat thing away until next winter.
ReplyDeletePS-Don't worry, I think I saw your sense of humor and it's making it's way home now. It just got caught up in all of that construction on the Eisenhower! Glad you are posting again!
Oh dear lord. The lollipop for breakfast demand is going to kill me. I get it every day! Also, when they don't want to sleep (which is everytime it's time for sleep) they empty out their cribs into the middle of the bedroom. I've lost control too and I am too tired to try and get it back.
ReplyDeleteOkay, It's been TWELVE days since your last post. I don't know what you're up to, but I'm going through withdrawls here. My own sense of humor ran out on me years ago (perhaps joined a gym and killed itself?) and I live vicariously through yours. (seriously, you must have a million things going on and I understand that you can't be posting 24/7. Doesn't mean I don't still wish that you were)
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed AND jealous that you're a mouthy housewife. Update already...I'm tired of looking at Suri Cruise every time I want to read what you've been up to!!!!
ReplyDeleteSSshhh....
ReplyDeleteListen.
What's that sound?
Are those.....crickets?!
Your blog is the best I have EVER read. I am hooked (long time lurker. Like since day one). You are seriously the most hilarious writer out there. Not sure why the whole planet isn't tuning in. Hell, maybe they are. Do not ever stop. It will be bad. I'll have to visit Chicago to track you down. I've only been once, and although a lovely city, I don't feel like returning just to kick your ass into writing more often.
ReplyDeletehugs and kisses!
^^ok go to Chicago and get her because it has been almost a month and I am dying.
ReplyDeleteAnd the fame crawler stuff is not the same. I want to know if one twin is still orange, are they ready for school, how is the crockpoting going? What about Facebook!!!!
I agree with Jessica! Please come back! Check your email that I sent you.
ReplyDeleteCome back!!!! Please!!!
ReplyDeleteyeah...I get worried when someone dissapears...what happened? is it something I did?:)
ReplyDelete