Thursday, June 30, 2011

Sh*t That PIsses Me Off

See, this is the kind of crap that makes me crazy pissed off. The other day we go to this park that has some nifty water features and two benches in the shade for about 100 asses that would like to sit. So some entitled mother decides to take one of those two benches in the shade all for herself and her rotten kids,  one of whom hit Moxley over the head with a bucket and when I told him he better stop the mom called him over and whispered something to him. Probably something like, "Don't mind that mean lady, she has nowhere to even sit!" followed by a maniacal laugh. Her Mark Shale bag apparently also needed to sit all day on this coveted bench space and her double stroller was conveniently parked right in front of part of the bench so if someone should have dared to sit on HER bench they would have had to move it.

These are the same types of people who fly Southwest and even on full flights leave their carry on in the middle seat hoping to deter someone -- ANOTHER PAYING PASSENGER -- from sitting there. They are also the type of people who get a wake-up call at a resort for 7:00 am so they can save eight chairs with towels for a family of four (beach bags need chairs too ya know!) and then mosey on down to the pool at 1:00 pm.

When I called my husband to bitch about this ad nauseam (I texted him the above photo as evidence), he calmly asked, "Why didn't you just move that blanket or towel or whatever it is and sit?" BECAUSE THAT MIGHT SOLVE THE PROBLEM AND LET'S FACE IT I'D RATHER POST PHOTOS AND BITCH ABOUT IN ONLINE. That's why.

If you are one of these people I am talking about, please know that others hate you. I mean really hate you. And feel free to explain to the rest of us why inanimate objects need their own seat. And please see below that my adorable daughter (who might get a sunburn unlike a Mark Shale bag) had to sit on the concrete in direct sunlight while you chased around your deranged son who thinks a bucket is a weapon.


  1. I'm ready to take up arms against those people right there with you! When I'm on the CTA and someone has a bag on an empty seat, I sit there just to prove a point even if the bus is half empty. I can rock the passive aggressive maneuver!

    The park stuff is killing me! Last year my son was too little, but this year I finally understand first hand the things you wrote about last summer. Yesterday, he almost got brained by a little girl swinging golf the playground...around other kids...while her father suggested she try her driver instead of the iron.

  2. OMG, stuff like that drives me CRAZY! And I do mean crazy.... because I'd probably light a match to the blanket and throw the stroller in the pool. If only in my mind...

    Why do people think they're so entitled when the rest of us (ie. you and me) are kind, loving people (shut up, we are!) who like to share?!? I thought natural selection was supposed to create a better species? And take away my thigh fat?!?

  3. Sing it, sister! That is pure bullshit! I think you should print out a copy of this post, make flyers, and post them at the park.

  4. Let Moxley sit in that stroller with her flower pants on. Give her an extra lollipop if she'll take a shit in it.

  5. I just found your blog today and found this to be hilarious! Keep on writing and making me laugh :-)

  6. Ha! That's when you bring out the, "Oops, is this your blanket over there on the ground? Looks like it almost blew away!" After 13 years of the playground wars, I have passive aggressive down pat. Also, I'm learning from the southern women how to smile and tilt my head while tearing the guts out of someone. Useful skill.