Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day


I have to believe the original and true meaning of Mother's Day has been lost. Sort of like Christmas and Easter. How do you go from the resurrection of our Lord and Savior to a large rabbit hopping from house to house delivering chocolate in a wicker basket? Not only does he deliver it, he has to find a good place to hide it. At least that was the custom in our house. Do you know how long that would take? At least Santa had the good sense to employ some reindeer to make the trip around the world slightly more speedy.

One would think the original plan for Mother's Day was to give mothers all around the world a break from their children, not a whole day of spending it with them. That's not called "Mother's Day." That's called "Every Day." My theory is the brunch people got together with the greeting card people and put a new spin on the holiday for financial gain soon after it was founded. Have you ever seen a man out to brunch with his children without the mother present? Exactly. The brunch folks pitched this idea that "wouldn't it be nice to take mommy to brunch for Mother's Day" and everyone fell for it. And what can you say as a mom that wouldn't make you look like a complete asshole after being awoken with that nice card (that's where the greeting card people came into the scam) and then refusing to go eat some overpriced pancakes with your family to celebrate.

Taking my kids to a restaurant is about as much fun as taking a staple gun to the forehead (I just saw The Wrestler) so we took the girls to the Nature Museum, the zoo and for a walk around a pond. We came across an uppity eating establishment and it was filled to the brim with Mother's Day brunchers. Right there in the window was a mom sitting there looking frazzled cutting up some french toast or some shit on one of her three children's plates while the dad looked cool as a cucumber sipping a mimosa. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY INDEED!

Next time someone asks you what you want for Mother's Day I suggest answering in one of the following three ways: 1) Plastic surgery; 2) A weekend at that spa in Arizona that Oprah always yaps about; 3) To be left alone. Chances are they will pick number 3, being the cheapest option. And that's okay. They'll feel like they got off easy, and nothing pleases me more than tricking men into thinking something was really their idea.

Happy (belated) Mother's Day.

PS - There was not a cloud in the sky on Sunday but my kids insisted on wearing their new rain boats and rain coats, as they now do every day. OCD, alive and well in my household.


11 comments:

  1. That is hilarious. I could just picture that poor mother at the restaurant. We have the same raincoat fascination going on here if you can believe it. I can't get over how big the girls are getting!

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  2. the girls are adorable in their rain gear. on sunday, i left my husband and son at home and went shopping. every day is mother's day so the actual calendar "mother's day" is my mandatory day off, which also includes that whatever i ask of them will be done; dishes, laundry, picking up dog shit, cooking every meal, etc. thanks for sharing your special day and take care.

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  3. omg I love you so much!! you are my new favorite person...on earth!

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  4. you speak the truth so clearly. my only other gripe that i would like to add is hosting an event at my house bc not only am i celebrating Every Day, i am making sure others have an actual Mothers Day.

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  5. Thanks for the laugh!!! Yay! your back :)

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  6. I've been missing you! I only read about two blogs these days and one of them is yours. My Mother's Day was about the same as yours only with one more kid. Yay.

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  7. Please post something soon or I may have to come to Chi-Town and steal those adorable boots. I hope you have a matching pair for yourself. If so, let me know where you found them. ;)

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  8. Didn't she promise at least once a week? Where is she?!

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  9. It's almost Father's Day and you haven't posted since Mother's Day. We miss you, for fuck's sake!!

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  10. Your writing is worth the wait. You have some loyal fans. Hope you're doing o.k. Toddlers are tough, but it gets better. It really does.

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