New Blog and a Drug Run

WHAT? Who would listen to my mother! She doesn't even comb my hair!

Someone was delusional forward-thinking enough to give me a place to spout advice about parenting in Chicago. Bahahahahahahahahaha! I left out small itsy bitsy details like my three-year olds are bottle-drinking, pants-crapping, human-hating monsters over whom I have no control whatsoever.

So the deal is I discuss our experiences at various venues, provide information on kid-friendly activities in Chicago and perhaps go on various tirades about my latest grievances. The really really exciting part is I had to use my real name (but not the girls, they'll always be Lulu and Moxley to thwart would-be kidnappers and Disney agents) so you can Google me and find out interesting things like my long arrest record. (The second degree murder charge was just an unfortunate misunderstanding.)

The blog is called Babble Chicago and it's hosted by the award-winning parenting web site Babble.com. (AWARD WINNING. Uh-huh. That's right. I would impress you further if I could name said awards but I can't...) I would be ever so grateful if you'd go to a post of your choosing and leave a comment so they think I actually have people who read my writing. Even something like, "Who the hell is dumb enough to give this lunatic a platform to spew off nonsense about parenting?!" Okay, you know what? Don't say that. Say something more like: "Oh heavens to Betsy! I've been waiting for a column to give me advice on what to do with my kids all winter in Chicago even though I live in Arizona!" As you'll see, I re-packaged my Disney post so it has some of the same stuff but is more informative. Something tells me you people don't come here to be informed by the likes of me.

The requirement is that I post over there at least several times per week. So here's another idea: you can leave me comments over there bitching about why I'm not posting much over here. Although I actually AM going to post more over here too. Seriously. This time I mean it.

Oh! In other news: several of my husband's co-workers read this blog because I occasionally mock him and then they use such information to ridicule him during important meetings. One such co-worker was particularly touched by the post wherein I discuss that I retain water like a buffalo (I'm pretty sure buffalos retain a lot of water, yes?) but am unable to obtain a prescription to alleviate said condition. So, out of the goodness of his heart and the fact that he probably has a wicked bad drug problem, he is going on a sojourn to Mexico where apparently there are no pesky regulations regarding what one may buy at the pharmacia. God bless our neighbors to the South!  I gave this dear man / drug addict a bundle of cash and strict instructions not to return to our country without a year's supply of the anti-bloat pill. Yipppppeeeee! It'll be just my luck if the drug lords get him while he's down there. I would be quite devastated. Plus I'd be a little sad if he was beheaded or whatever too.

One more thing: I found out someone who is a blood relative of mine nominated me for a top mom blog (at my employer Babble.com no less) AND I CURRENTLY HAVE ONLY ONE VOTE. This is not an "it's an honor just to be nominated" situation. This is a "please remove my name with only one vote next to it" situation. I feel like I've been nominated for Homecoming Queen and the entire football team throws buckets of pig-blood all over me. (Reference: "Carrie," Sissy Spacek circa 1976.)

Would you please go press the "like" button (even if you don't) next to my blog's name so I don't look like a complete ass covered in pork plasma? Although I'm pretty accustomed to looking like an ass so if you don't feel like it no worries. Let's face it, I probably wouldn't do it for you either.

PS - Coming soon -- details on the girls' third birthday which includes a canceled party and lots of puking. Good times!