Hell hath frozen over. I now have an iPhone (albeit a hand-me-down because my husband wanted the new one) and A TWITTER ACCOUNT. Just call me Ashton. I will send the first person to comment on this post my address so they can have the pleasure of shooting me. I swore I would never ever use Twitter. I'm long-winded after all. Why say something in less than 140 characters when you can ramble on for pages about it? Alas, it became a job requirement for my Famecrawler blogging gig, so I was sort of forced into the technological revolution, kicking, screaming and cursing Ashton Kutcher the entire way. (I know he didn't invent Twitter, but I like to blame him.)
My "handle" (I think that's what it's called?) is luluandmoxley. I'd send you a link to my page IF I COULD FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO SO. Of course, I haven't said much of anything and might remain a silent Tweeter ... Interestingly, I currently have five followers, one of which is CVS Pharmacy. Were they so threatened by my quest for off-the-books prescriptions that they want to follow my every move to ensure I don't stray into the dark foray of online meds? I feel like I'm being stalked by my pharmacist. Can you take out a restraining order on a corporation?
Other things going on in my life probably not worth mentioning but I'm hard up for material:
--Moxley has informed me she is a boy and she is going to "be a daddy when she gets big." Listen, I am open-minded and will unconditionally love my children for exactly who they are. But I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I woke up this morning with a disturbing image of Chaz Bono in my brain.
--I am going to be interviewing Molly Ringwald next month. Please submit questions as right now all I can think of is: 1) Did anyone ever steal your panties in real life as proof they had sex with you? 2) Do Judd Nelson's nostrils look that big in real life? 3) Is Andrew McCarthy as bad of a kisser as one might imagine? 4) Do you call your kids the "brat pack" and then laugh like a hyena to yourself? I might add this interview is a means to an end really. Once you interview one celebrity, you gain some "street cred" and other celebrities might let you interview them. I think you know where I'm going with this. First Molly Ringwald, then maybe one of the Real Housewives then DANIEL CRAIG. My first (and probably last) question for him will be this: "Can I stick my tongue in your ear?"
--Speaking of the Real Housewives, I have an idea so grand, so innovative, so ground-breaking I may soon be brought onto Bravo as their Chief Creative Genius. I am proposing that the Real Housewives of New York and the Real Housewives of New Jersey be combined into one trashtastic program. If you're into the Real Housewives, read about it here. (And if you're not into Real Housewives, might I ask why? I don't like people who have lives of their own...)
--I am becoming the mother I always hated: I booked a party venue for the girls' third birthday. Which isn't for three months. And they have no friends. But they've been invited to parties and I'm afraid they'll wonder why they didn't have one once their birthday gets here. And let's face it, what's a couple hundred dollars compared to having a bunch of screaming preschoolers messing up your house? Plus, what would I do to entertain them all? I don't juggle and hiring a magician or similar must be at least $300 so I'm actually saving money.
Peace out. I have to go think of something to Tweet. If you simply tweet "shoot me" every day do the authorities eventually show up?
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i'll be sure to follow you on twitter. i'd like to see what you can write in 140 characters. i'm expecting some funny shiz! can't stand ashton. i don't follow any celebs. too much self-promotion. also, none of them ever tweet me back, including ashton. i told him not to produce that horrible model show with mischa barton and he did it anyway, and it bombed and i was all i told you so and got nothing from him in return. had he just listened to me in the first place he would've saved money and his reputation. but whatevs. i use twitter to keep up with bloggers i follow and those bloggers i don't read that often, but their tweets are too funny. i would ask Molly if she ever plans to return to singing. i watched her on Facts of Life and listened to her albums. she's tres talented, a triple threat. take care.
ReplyDeleteLike the Real Housewives idea - I'd like to see Danielle and Kelly talk nonsense to each other, or kill each other...
ReplyDeleteI'm totally following you on Twitter now. Yay!
ReplyDeleteMolly Ringwald: the question about Judd Nelson's nostrils was exactly what I was going to say. Oh wait, I know! Ask her if she can still do that "apply your lip gloss from your cleavage" trick.
okay, I totally need your Twitter handle (sounds impressive when you say 'handle', I think). Also... Molly Ringwald?!? Awesome-sauce! Can you ask her how it feels to know that her greatest years are behind her? (and tell her I can relate... minus the movies, wealth and fame, of coruse). And please don't pull a Brangelina and let Moxley go all Shiloh. M'kay?!? Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAnd also? My friend came to visit on his way to moving to Chicago... is it wrong that all I could think of when he mentioned Chi-town was you? (not creepy at all, I'm sure...)
ReplyDeleteYeaa! So glad you have a twitter account! FINALLY!
ReplyDeleteCatching up on RHONJ - that trip to Italy made me want to drink! Was that a total circus or what?! I'll have to read your take on the combo show.
Congrats on the interview! I keep forgetting to check out your stuff over there. Could you post links on this blog?
Hey, I just tried to find you on twitter and couldn't. (I would make a sad face, but I know how you feel about them. . .)
ReplyDeleteCrap, now I'm going to have to learn how to use twitter. Oh, and I think Molly Ringwald turned kind of nutty so the interview should be interesting.
ReplyDeleteHere is a link to my twitter page but I don't come up in the People Search. Maybe because it's a new account? Or maybe Twitter intuitively knows I hate it? Technology rots!
ReplyDeletehttp://twitter.com/luluandMoxley
I'm still holding out on Facebook so I know how you feel about Twitter. I would be a Facebook disaster -- last time I checked voicemail there were 17 messages waiting. Can you imagine what that would mean for returning pokes? Ahem. My teenage dream was to live in an enormous house in Naperville ala every John Hughes movie cranked out in the 80s. Molly Ringwald is a generation X icon. Very cool.
ReplyDeleteYay, you're on Twitter. And how awesome that you are going to interview Molly Ringwald. Love her! I really liked her interviews about her relationship with John Hughes after he died last year. And I would love to hear more about when she was living in Paris and what music she listens to now. xx
ReplyDeleteI want to know which Real Housewives franchise is her favorite. Also, please ask her why the French are such assholes. Maybe she has a theory.
ReplyDeleteI've been waiting for you to get a Twitter account! I'm following you now!
ReplyDeleteWell, we are alike, I like to choose to do things that will allow me to save a lot more. I will do the same thing if I were you. Book a party ahead of time than hiring a magician or a clown for a lot more. My husband doesn't always like my ideas, though. lol!
ReplyDelete